Being In Transition: Part III – Adjusting to Your New Normal

Being in transition is a lot like being on a spiritual journey. The experience is one where you’re confused, in a state of seeking, and not as connected as you would like to be. Just entering the process, you are aware there is a shift taking place in you. You suspect in some ways you are different, but not yet sure exactly how and in what ways. You may even have difficulty expressing this journey you are on to those you love.

You might be a new Mom and your entire role and identity just changed dramatically, making your entire life’s focus around one thing: keeping the tiny human alive. But you might be wondering where the other parts of yourself have gone? Or you might be newly divorced and have no clue how to socialize and court someone you are attracted to. And yet you know deep down you haven’t completely lost your sexy.

In my last two blogs, I have encouraged folks who are in a love, life or career transition to leverage a three step process to guide them through. I have suggested to take time to consciously grieve what and who you were before the transition took place.

Then I offered a potential shift in your mindset that can be helpful while being in transition. To begin to see this often scary and confusing time as an opportunity. An opportunity to become and change coarse. To determine who you will be going forward and how to begin to design your new life. Read the previous blogs here > https://brookejeanllc.com/news/

And once you have arrived to the part of the process where you are crafting the new normal, its time to try this evolved self and life on, and my hope is that you enter this part of the journey with a new sense of clarity and confidence.

But don’t get me wrong, this part takes COURAGE.

You may have fears surfacing that are showing up as thoughts questioning whether or not this new way of being you will be accepted and even liked by others.

This is the adjustment period.

And like most things, it starts and ends with connection.

You don’t have to navigate these new waters alone. Call on your single friends to take you out for a night out. Join your local new Mommy’s support group. Make friends with your neighbor. Reach out to your mentor, old colleagues, your coach or counselor.

Surround yourself with cheerleaders and supporters. This is crucial. Not everyone will understand your journey, and thats OK. You have to live for you!

Get uber intentional with your time. Ensure your priorities are reflected on your calendar and treated with as much respect as a doctor’s appointment. Carve out time for your health, for connection and FUN.

Know that change is hard for all of us.

But we must be adaptable. As a new Mom, a divorcee, an empty nester, back to work career professional, whatever, your days will absolutely look and feel different. Try not to run from this.

Acknowledge it. Honor your feelings around it. And visualize yourself living your best life. Remember why its important to get to that end goal and what its all about.

I know its really tough right now, adapting to your new norm. You might be questioning whether or not you made the “right choices.” Perhaps you are crying while breastfeeding in the middle of the night, in pain and feeling alone. Perhaps you feel empty inside coming home to an empty apartment. Perhaps you are staying late in the office to acclimate and get your bearings on, feeling lonely and wondering what its all worth.

But this is only temporary. It won’t always feel this way. Remember your WHY. You wanted that family, out of that shitty marriage, or the lifestyle that new position at work creates for you.

In order to design the life we want, we have to accept that if we want different, we must be different. We must consciously choose what seems difficult, challenging, maybe even impossible. We have to grieve, become, and adjust.

BUT…on the other side of all of this is a more true and authentic version of you and a life that you experience as ultimately fulfilling. On the other side is feeling free, maybe even inspired and energized. You’ll get to experience new people, places and things.

Witnessing folks come out the other side of this spiritual journey and watching them thrive in ways they didn’t know was possible is what its all about. And what’s cool is that each of us may cycle through this evolution many times in our lives, getting us closer and closer to being who we are meant to be and making the impact we are meant to make. What an true honor and privilege this work is!

Wherever you are in your journey, I applaud you for making it this far and want to lovingly remind you to grieve, become and adjust.

If you or someone you know is in a love, life or career transition and would benefit from having a counselor and coach to guide them through.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Being In Transition: Part II – Becoming

Being in Transition.

Welcome to Being in Transition – Part II – BECOMING…..which just so happens to be my favorite part of the transition process.

My last blog, Being in Transition – Part I was all about the grieving process. Its important to process the feelings we have about what was and what we are leaving behind so we can make space for what’s next in our lives.

If you just lost your job, lost your relationship, became a mother, or entered into mid-life, (among many other love, life and career transitions) listen up, these blogs are for YOU!

Transition can be tough, no doubt. Who we thought we were, how we believed we operated, our values, our perceptions, everything comes into question with the movement around transition. However, as scary as this can be, this is also an opportunity to get clear on WHO we want to become, and HOW we want to be going forward.

I mentioned how difficult it can be to find yourself swimming in the grey area of transition. You might find yourself no longer in that marriage, but wondering if you’ll ever be in a relationship again. Or you might be anxious about what is next in your career, or how you will be adjusting as a new mom. Not knowing tends to bring up many emotions, and typically a great deal of worry.

If you can, give yourself permission to not know, to not try to plan, predict and control, and to trust in yourself and in the universe that all will be OK.

Ask yourself, “What is the opportunity here?”

This part of the process is all about BECOMING.

We are under absolutely no obligation to be the person we were five minutes ago, let alone last week, last year, in our past job or relationships.

So use this time to reflect.

Reflect on who you have been.

Get to know yourself better. What do you enjoy doing? Get out and try new things. Remember what you loved to do as a child and try to reconnect in some way.

I encourage you to create more quiet time in your life. Whether it be through meditation, hiking in the mountains, sitting at the pool, its in these quiet times that we gain clarity and can tap into our creativity to find solutions, next moves, and our life’s vision.

Read books, listen to podcasts, follow people you admire on social media.

Get clear on WHO you want to be.

Get out a sheet a paper. On one side write out what you like about yourself, who you are, your strengths, your values, what makes you proud. Then, on the other side write out the things you do not like about yourself. With the “do not like” list, ask yourself how have these things been helping you? For example, perhaps one thing you do not like about yourself is your short temper. Well, how has having a short temper helped you? I know, on the surface level, it appears its NOT been helpful.

But I challenge you to dig much deeper.

We do things, sometimes subconsciously for good reasons. Perhaps you’re short tempered to protect yourself, to appear stronger than you are, to get your needs met. There might be unresolved anger from previous life experiences that are calling your attention to clear out so it no longer holds you back.

The goal is to change our relationship with the things we don’t like about ourselves so we can then address them accordingly. When we understand why we do what we do, we can then develop self-acceptance and self-compassion which is a much stronger foundation to create real sustainable change from. Having this self-awareness is the first step to change, to progress, to become.

Then, look at your list again, and decide what you want to keep as part of who you are now and going forward, what you want to discard, and what you want to tweak.

Working with a counselor or coach can help you make those changes!

Dream Big….my coach always says, “If your life vision doesn’t seem totally impossible right now, its not big enough.”

Ask yourself in the quiet moments what you want out of life? What values do you hold most dear to you? What legacy do you want to leave behind, what do you want to be known for?

Transition is the perfect time to course correct. To get clear and to change gears. To be empowered to take ownership of your life and go out and get the best there is to offer. It all starts with reflections, dreaming and believing.

There are many additional exercises and conversations I have with clients to support them in the process of becoming. From there, they take intentional and mindful action which creates new and meaningful outcomes in their lives.

So, being in transition, we heal, become and then adjust (which will be the final part of this blog series!)

SO…WHO ARE YOU BECOMING?

If you or someone you know is in a love, life or career transition, please send them my way! This is the life work I am PRIVILEGED to guide folks through.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Being In Transition: Part I- Grief

How to Deal with Change: 3 Steps.

Step 1:  GRIEF

Throughout our lifetimes, each of us will encounter many different love, life and career transitions. Whether it be transitioning from childhood into adolescence and adulthood, from college to career, from losing a job to getting a promotion, losing a parent to becoming one, or hitting the “mid-life crisis,” there are periods of time that rock our world to its core and potentially change the path that we are on as a human being.

Many people dread these periods of time, fear them, avoid them, run from them.

But I have a different perspective. Although absolutely challenging, these are points in time that are filled with opportunities. Opportunities to deal with past hurts we are carrying around that are subconsciously getting in our way of being our best selves. Opportunities to identify patterns in our life that are no longer serving us. Opportunities to change coarse and become who we are meant to be. These are the richest times of our lives, if we know how to maximize the opportunity.

Being in a few life transitions myself, and specializing in transition as a counselor and coach, I wanted to share my three step process in using this time wisely (and surviving the storm!)

I am getting ready to bring my daughter into the world. My family is growing after many years of being what we were (a family of 3, but also part of a larger blended family). My first born is starting high school this year which is another huge transition, and I have launched a business that is growing and constantly in transition. Using the three step process, I have not only become comfortable with being in transition, but truly believe I am making the most of it.

And I feel compelled to share this with you!

The three part process includes:

Grief
Becoming
Adjustment/ Reconnection

So…for this blog, I am going to share part one of being in transition which is GRIEVING.

Each transition brings LOSS and often this loss might trigger past losses.

Our culture has the tendency to encourage us to focus on the future, what’s next, to be excited and grateful for whats to come. Which can be helpful. BUT if we don’t take time to consciously grieve what was, these feelings can manifest themselves in other ways later on. Grieving allows us to tap into our feelings to therefore express them, to acknowledge what was, whether good or bad, and to do some deeper reflection ultimately increasing self-awareness. From this place we can remain more grounded and intentional as we move forward.

As you are entering or going through a transition, here are a few ways in which you can consciously grieve. You can ask yourself the following questions and sit with them in meditation, prayer, journal them, or share with someone you trust (such as a therapist!!)

What is the transition I am in? You might be noticing a theme here with all my offerings, everything starts with awareness, acknowledgement, and naming what is going on. This is a instrumental first step. You might say something like, “I am aware that I am entering a life transition where I am having another baby, therefore changing my family life.”

Identify the feelings coming up around the transition. For this, you may need to dedicate 10- 15 minutes to sit in silence to allow the feelings to emerge. We get really good at subconsciously repressing, even unintentionally. So give yourself time, space and permission to tap in. Do a body scan and notice and feelings you might be holding in your body. What are they? You might say, “I notice I am feeling a sadness around my first born not being my only child anymore, and some anxiety around how this transition is going to effect my marriage, and some loneliness in being pregnant.”

Reflect on how you got here. I am finding myself in a unique situation where I had my first born 14 years ago in college and am just now adding to my family. How I got here is a long story, but one that if I fully honor it, I can pull out pearls of strength I have leveraged over the years and also things about myself that need further attention that led me down paths that weren’t in my best interest. Look at your story through a compassionate lens. Recognize the good and take accountability for what you would change.

Use coping skills to sit in the unknown. One of the most challenging parts of being in transition is that we can’t plan and predict everything that is going to happen next, which our brains do not appreciate. I have no real idea how my family life is going to look and feel in one month from now, let alone one year, five years, and so on. I have no control over many components of what’s to come and that can be terrifying. This is where it can be helpful to lean on your spirituality or trust in something greater. When discomfort arises being in this unknown territory, identify the feelings, take a breath, and remind yourself that you are ready and prepared to take on whatever comes your way, and that you trust that all will work out. Because let’s face it, haven’t you made it through every challenging thing you have encountered thus far? Why would this situation be any different? Take another breath. Share your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust.

Capture this phase and these moments. Enjoy these last days, weeks, months being that family of three, or in that position at work, or with your girlfriends being single post-split. Take pictures and be present. You will not always be in this place, as the one constant is change and very soon you will find yourself in a different position. Remember who you were at this time so we can start working on step two of this process which is all about BECOMING.

Although this may not appear to be the fun part of the process, trust me when I say its essential. It will clear space for what’s to come. It will release unnecessary garbage you are carrying around with you. It will provide you personal insights that allow for better self-awareness therefore deeper connections with others. And, it can help you appreciate yourself and all you have been through while empowering you to take courageous steps moving forward that elevate your life in so many ways.

This is the work I am oh so passionate about. If you would benefit from having a guide to help you navigate your love, life or career transition, call me today! If you need support through this grief, but also want to identify the patterns to ultimately make intentional adjustments to your life, let’s get to work now. Click here to find out more information about me and how we can work together. www.BrookeJeanllc.com

Let’s make a minor change in our mindset today by seeing change and transition differently…as an OPPORTUNITY!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Healthy Ways to Be in Love Limbo

As you all know, I am passionate about helping people navigate the one constant in life…CHANGE! And being in transition we as a culture often force ourselves into the next step or fall back into old patterns because being in the unknown is very uncomfortable. When it comes to love and relationships, things can become even more complicated.

Getting out of a relationship, even if it’s what we wanted and needed is difficult. One partner may want it more than the other, one may have cheated or been abusive, there may be jobs, houses, finances and children involved. And even if this change is the best thing for you, many emotions will arise and you will find yourself in what Thomas Moore describes “the neutral zone”.

You may be tempted to jump right out of the love transition and into the next relationship or hook up to ease your feelings of sadness, confusion, loneliness, grief, and all that comes with it. BUT taking time to carefully reconnect to yourself, to sit in this grey unknown while becoming open and able to receive what the universe has in store for you can help you attract healthy love.

So, what is it that I am suggesting? Take a big, grown up, TIME OUT! Yes, that’s right, a time out. Before getting clouded with another person’s needs, wants, and expectations, take some time to reflect, feel, observe and become aware. What’s most important to you when it comes to compatibility? What drove you nuts about your last partner and relationship? Were your needs met…why or why not? How open were you to receiving love or did you have subconscious walls up to protect yourself? What did you learn growing up about trust, intimacy, and relationships and is that a belief, norm, or way of being you want to move forward with?

Being in a relationship you may have conformed to what your partner wants, or have been so concerned with your own wants, you failed to compromise and meet your partner half way. Just sit with this for a while. We are under no obligation to be that same person, you have it in you to grow, evolve, give and receive.

Take time to be by yourself, to meditate, to be in nature and engaging in your favorite type of play. Reconnect to your friends, families, neighbors, those who are your biggest supporters. Take up that hobby you have always wanted to try and notice how it makes you feel to try new things, to accomplish healthy tasks and to be connected.

Having a good counselor or coach during this time can provide you the safe space to reconnect with yourself, to evaluate what healthy love is and how you operate within it, to explore relational issues and how to overcome obstacles, ultimately getting you ready to attract healthy love.

I am currently reading Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life and am going to leave you with this quote from Gregg Levoy, “Through some trial and error, I have discovered that often the best bait to use in luring a call is a little space. We need time when we’re not engaged in what the Taoists refer to as ‘the ten thousand things.’ When we give off nothing but busy signals, calls simply don’t get through. There’s no room for them. Make room for them. Get off the line every once in a while.”

Instead of giving off the busy signal trying to prematurely jump into something new, give yourself permission to heal, feel, and sit in the transition and that alone opens you up to what’s in store for you. Being the best version of yourself, you will attract the right partner. Having love and trust for yourself will help you to listen to your intuition, guiding you to a love that’s mutual and healthy. We can only love others as much as we love ourselves!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Are You in a Life, Love or Career TRANSITION?

At multiple points throughout our lives, we will find ourselves in transition.  We have all heard the saying, “Change is inevitable” which is true and having a counseling coach help you navigate transition can be invaluable.

Whether entering adulthood or mid-life, getting married or divorced, having children or grand children, or changing/ growing careers, we often brush over what was looking ahead at what’s to come.  It’s important during the process of change to honor the part of you and your life that was and to allow for some reflection and healing before moving forward.

During the transition you may experience many emotions such as fear, worry, excitement, sadness and guess what…that’s normal and to be expected.  It becomes a problem when we rush this period because the feelings are uncomfortable.  The in-between, unknown, grey ambiguous landscape is scary and sometimes we don’t know yet what our new normal will be.  But what is also true is that during this time we can either open ourselves up to new possibilities, ones that are authentic and exhilarating, or we can close down and block what’s truly in store for us.

So what are some things we can do to remain open and cope with change and transition?

It starts with becoming aware and giving yourself permission to FEEL!  It’s OK to be sad that you are no longer an only child, a single man, or in a specific position at work.  It’s OK to be scared about your new responsibilities and yet the only way forward is THROUGH the feelings.  Allow yourself to grieve what was, it certainly does not mean you are not excited or grateful for what’s ahead.  Try to allow as much time as possible to be in the unknown and engage in your favorite play, create quite time, journal, surround yourself with supporters – keep the channels open to receive new possibilities.

It’s often during our darkest night that the answer comes to us.  Just as we are about to give in and give up we see the forest through the trees.  During stillness we can learn to listen to our intuition and reconnect to our deepest values.  These are tools you will want in your new endeavors – whether it be new life stage, new relationship, or new career.

Counseling & Coaching provides the space to heal, feel, and cope with change.  It can support you in getting back to who you are meant to be and to become the best you yet.  By clearing our emotional vessels we create more space for our future and build upon our experiences to evolve in new and meaningful ways.

Cheers to change!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean