How to Heal From A Break-Up

Heal. Become. Thrive.

Breaking up is hard to do. Yep, indeed. Actually, quite understated. Breaking up can shake us to our core! So how do we consciously work through a love transition?

In short order: Heal. Become. Thrive

That is the model.

Take your time with this process as it is not linear and can feel rather messy. I like to use the image of an ocean, where sometimes the water feels calm and your feet are securely buried in the soft sand and with the sun, the salt, and the breeze you hold a moment of space where you feel like everything will be ok. But then the next day, TSUNAMI!!!! The waves are so tall and powerful that you fear you’ll never come up for air and if you do, you’ll never be the same.

Wherever you are at with your ocean today is safe and okay my friends.

Whether the breakup was your choice or not, there is a great deal of grief that comes with the ending of a relationship. Even if you fantasized about getting out of it for years, once you are in the process, all sorts of feelings could begin to emerge and start to flow through you.

If your boat feels completely rocked and unstable, it is normal. Keep feeling and breathing your way through it.

If you’re feeling scared and uncertain about the future, also normal, keep feeling and breathing your way through it.

Express yourself, share your feelings with someone safe or in your journal.

Openly address all that you will miss about this person and the relationship.

Remember the good times and the bad.

Take 10 minutes a day to sit alone and consciously grieve. To do this, find a space where you will not be interrupted and check in on how you are REALLY feeling that day. Let the feelings bubble up and meet them with gentle kindness. You can even acknowledge them, “There’s the sadness, the loneliness, the fear, the worry coming up.” Breathe deeply.

Take care of your physical and mental health – get outside, move your body, eat well, laugh sometimes, listen to music, talk, stretch, meditate, and sleep.

Surround yourself with love, support and connection. Whether that be a daily check-in on the phone with your bestie, asking for special accommodations at work while you move through this transition, or joining a support group.

Stay connected.

Empower yourself with knowledge about the process and other people’s experiences but be careful not to obsess and to leverage your own inner wisdom and the ultimate guidance for your path.

Visualize what life will look and feel like on the other end of this journey. Imagine yourself content and at peace, being your most authentic self, walking in the world sure of who you are and what you want out of this life.

Get clear on your values, goals, and what you want. What is one small thing you can do that moves you toward that each and every day? Honor yourself, your feelings and who you are becoming now that you have split wide open to rebuilding in a healthy and authentic way.

Transition is a time for TRANSFORMATION.

This transition is changing you, and the exciting thing is, you get to decide who you are becoming.

Often, the storm shakes us up to get us on the right path.

Chaos precedes change.

So, hold on for the ride, my dear. You have survived life up until this point, you will survive this as well.

Take the time to heal and then to become, intentionally. (Visit here to read another BJCC blog about being in Love Limbo.)

And when you honor that, you are sure to thrive again.

You are and always will be deserving of love.

If you are feeling vulnerable and in need of some support and help, we are glad you are here. Contact Brooke now and start your path to healing today. Additionally, consider further reading with BJCC’s blog about co-parenting post separation.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Lost in Grief? Here are 3 Ways to Grieve CONSCIOUSLY

Grief can be such a complex, unpredictable, and exhausting experience. No two people will grieve the same, grief is NOT linear nor does it follow any kind of timeline.

BUT…if we take time to CONSCIOUSLY grieve, we can work our way through it, rather than burying it deep inside of us (which tends to bubble up in unconscious and unhelpful ways later on!)

So, regardless of what phase of grief you are, these tips will support you in surviving today’s wave.

If you have suffered a loss, I highly recommend working through the loss with a counselor. Learn more about how I help clients with bereavement here.

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Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Being In Transition: Part III – Adjusting to Your New Normal

Being in transition is a lot like being on a spiritual journey. The experience is one where you’re confused, in a state of seeking, and not as connected as you would like to be. Just entering the process, you are aware there is a shift taking place in you. You suspect in some ways you are different, but not yet sure exactly how and in what ways. You may even have difficulty expressing this journey you are on to those you love.

You might be a new Mom and your entire role and identity just changed dramatically, making your entire life’s focus around one thing: keeping the tiny human alive. But you might be wondering where the other parts of yourself have gone? Or you might be newly divorced and have no clue how to socialize and court someone you are attracted to. And yet you know deep down you haven’t completely lost your sexy.

In my last two blogs, I have encouraged folks who are in a love, life or career transition to leverage a three step process to guide them through. I have suggested to take time to consciously grieve what and who you were before the transition took place.

Then I offered a potential shift in your mindset that can be helpful while being in transition. To begin to see this often scary and confusing time as an opportunity. An opportunity to become and change coarse. To determine who you will be going forward and how to begin to design your new life. Read the previous blogs here > https://brookejeanllc.com/news/

And once you have arrived to the part of the process where you are crafting the new normal, its time to try this evolved self and life on, and my hope is that you enter this part of the journey with a new sense of clarity and confidence.

But don’t get me wrong, this part takes COURAGE.

You may have fears surfacing that are showing up as thoughts questioning whether or not this new way of being you will be accepted and even liked by others.

This is the adjustment period.

And like most things, it starts and ends with connection.

You don’t have to navigate these new waters alone. Call on your single friends to take you out for a night out. Join your local new Mommy’s support group. Make friends with your neighbor. Reach out to your mentor, old colleagues, your coach or counselor.

Surround yourself with cheerleaders and supporters. This is crucial. Not everyone will understand your journey, and thats OK. You have to live for you!

Get uber intentional with your time. Ensure your priorities are reflected on your calendar and treated with as much respect as a doctor’s appointment. Carve out time for your health, for connection and FUN.

Know that change is hard for all of us.

But we must be adaptable. As a new Mom, a divorcee, an empty nester, back to work career professional, whatever, your days will absolutely look and feel different. Try not to run from this.

Acknowledge it. Honor your feelings around it. And visualize yourself living your best life. Remember why its important to get to that end goal and what its all about.

I know its really tough right now, adapting to your new norm. You might be questioning whether or not you made the “right choices.” Perhaps you are crying while breastfeeding in the middle of the night, in pain and feeling alone. Perhaps you feel empty inside coming home to an empty apartment. Perhaps you are staying late in the office to acclimate and get your bearings on, feeling lonely and wondering what its all worth.

But this is only temporary. It won’t always feel this way. Remember your WHY. You wanted that family, out of that shitty marriage, or the lifestyle that new position at work creates for you.

In order to design the life we want, we have to accept that if we want different, we must be different. We must consciously choose what seems difficult, challenging, maybe even impossible. We have to grieve, become, and adjust.

BUT…on the other side of all of this is a more true and authentic version of you and a life that you experience as ultimately fulfilling. On the other side is feeling free, maybe even inspired and energized. You’ll get to experience new people, places and things.

Witnessing folks come out the other side of this spiritual journey and watching them thrive in ways they didn’t know was possible is what its all about. And what’s cool is that each of us may cycle through this evolution many times in our lives, getting us closer and closer to being who we are meant to be and making the impact we are meant to make. What an true honor and privilege this work is!

Wherever you are in your journey, I applaud you for making it this far and want to lovingly remind you to grieve, become and adjust.

If you or someone you know is in a love, life or career transition and would benefit from having a counselor and coach to guide them through.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean