Unlocking the 6 Psychological Keys to Reaching Your Potential
In the workforce today, many of us struggle to balance it all: work, family, friends, hobbies, pleasure and more. We are often overworked, burnt out, and just going through the motions.
In the workforce today, many of us struggle to balance it all: work, family, friends, hobbies, pleasure and more. We are often overworked, burnt out, and just going through the motions. In my experience both as a professional counselor as well as a corporate leader I have found that people tend to focus on the wrong things to help them grow, reach their potential, and create a life filled with meaning and purpose. They go searching externally for answers when I have found that the secret to their success lies within them.
In developing a coaching plan to help folks reach new heights, I integrate counseling to unlock what I call the six psychological keys to reaching potential. These are six categories to explore that involve taking a deeper look into our inner world and how they impact our personal and professional lives (in this piece 3 of the 6 will be shared). The process begins with doing some soul searching to lay the foundation of the work. Before providing assessments and tips, it is beneficial to assess whether or not one is living authentically, and in congruence with their values.
Some questions to ask yourself when exploring your purpose and values are: What aspects of my life are filling my tank versus sucking it dry? What interests have I lost contact with that used to bring me energy and joy? What types of activities do I look forward to? When do I feel most passionate? What means the most to me (relationships, honesty, money, integrity, responsibility, just to name a few?) Then take a piece of paper and on one side write out all the things that emerge from these questions. On the other side write in the top section things you are doing that are in line with your values and on the bottom, things you are doing that are not in line with your values. It is almost impossible to really reach our own unique potential when we are not living authentically or have lost our passion, interests, and values.
Once you have defined what’s most important, now you can begin to form your professional presence. This can include identifying signature strengths and blind spots. What’s interesting is that typically what we are great at is also what we enjoy to do. For example, if you enjoy being with people, odds are your strengths are related to working with a team, perhaps being a leader or a helper. If you love organization or innovation, perhaps your strengths are to be the visionary, goal setter, or strategist. To realize your blindspots, you’ll need to request open and honest feedback. This can be tough! You can email your friends, family, partner, team or peers an evaluation for them to fill out and drop in your mailbox. Knowing what we are great at and what we can work on to grow will serve as beneficial in the quest to ultimately reach your potential.
Next, in order to reach our individual potential, one of the obstacles we must address head on is…yes…the inner critic. What is it you tell yourself that gets in the way of you going for it, chasing your dreams? What self-talk do you engage in and who’s voice is it? What are you scared of? Once we know what the critic has to say, we can then begin to challenge it head on. You can add another voice to this inner dialogue, one that believes in you and wants you to take risks in order to grow and reach new heights.
Hopefully, this information can get you started on the journey to reaching your potential.
Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,
XO brooke jean
The 4 Myths of Happiness
What does happy look and feel like and how do you know when you have achieved HAPPINESS?
Prior to entering the field of counseling, I wholeheartedly believed that the ultimate goal in life was to be happy. Upon further reflection I began to ask myself questions such as “What does happy look and feel like?” and “How do I know when I have achieved HAPPINESS?” Paired with years of my own personal struggles, I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me that I usually didn’t start each day happy. On the contrary, I usually wake up relatively grumpy, refusing to get out of bed and face the day. I snooze for at least thirty minutes and throw a full blown adult fit on my way to the shower (usually bumping into a wall or two on the way). It isn’t until I have had my coffee or tea and arrived wherever it is I need to be that I actually accept the day.
Learning different methodologies for helping people in the counseling realm led me to ACT – Acceptance & Commitment Therapy. This is a mindfulness based therapy that helps folks leverage being present to defuse from negative thoughts, images and feelings. What I was particularly drawn to was the philosophy of this model which acknowledges that we cannot control our thoughts and feelings and that our brains have evolved to sense and avoid danger. This is why we worry. Russ Harris who shares the ideas of Steven Hayes (one of the ACT founders) in one of my favorite books The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living points out that there are 4 myths of happiness…so enjoy!
1. Happiness is the natural state for all human beings. Research actually demonstrates the opposite. Unfortunately, one in ten adults will attempt suicide and one in five will suffer from depression. Most of us are thinking that everyone around us is waking up happy each day, but that is not the case….you are not alone.
2. If you’re not happy, you’re defective. This one hits home for me. I have spent half my life trying to alter my life to be happy, read a million self-help books, exercised, partied, went to places I enjoy – all to still wake up cranky the next morning. In our culture we avoid suffering and deem it problematic and abnormal. It is judged. It is not accepted and yet it is INEVITABLE. And I happen to believe that from our suffering we grow, we become more connected to ourselves and to what matters most. If you are unhappy, worried, stressed, anxious, and ready to defend yourself…your mind is doing exactly what it has evolved to do, you are not defective.
3. To create a better life, we must get rid of negative thinking. Life is all about balance. I invite feelings of happiness, contentment, excitement, and joy into my life and yours. And I do experience all of these almost everyday, usually later in the day. However, to create the life you want, you must prepare for challenging thoughts and feelings. Take relationships for example…at times you will feel connected, loved, and happy. At other points you may feel scared, unhappy, and frustrated. That is OK and completely normal, we just don’t speak about it as often as we showcase our high points in life.
4. You should be able to control what you think and feel. By trying to get rid of negative thinking you are only going to feel like a failure when you realize that you cannot control your thoughts or feelings, which then perpetuates the negative feelings. You may ask yourself, “Why can’t I just get over it and be happy?” Then you shame yourself for not being able to do so. How many of you have tried to get that memory, image, or negative thought out of your mind and have been successful at it?? You might be able to distract yourself temporarily to get rid of it, yet it most likely comes back. And who has time to constantly remain distracted? When we are avoiding painful thoughts and feeling with things like avoidance and distraction, we are also blocking the positive thoughts and feelings, pulling us away from living a rich and meaningful life.
Rather than trying to control our thoughts and emotions, I would suggest inviting them in, making space for them, creating peace with them – you just may find that they are not as powerful as we have perceived them to be. What we can control is our actions and how we respond to both positive and negative emotions. Take a breath, observe your thoughts and know what you’re brain is just doing what it evolved to do…nothing is wrong with you…suffering is part of life.
I want to hear from you! Have you tried to control your thoughts and feelings? What was that like? Have you fallen prey to the happiness myths and in what ways?