Put Your Well-being First: Don’t Get Sucked Back Into the Soul- Sucking Self- Sacrificing Vortex

hey loves!  happy summer.  happy june!

Happy less freaking masks.  With life re-energizing and things opening back up, I am witnessing people, especially people-pleasing perfectionistic type working women and mamas (aka ME!), being lured back into the old way of things pre-COVID-19.  The glamorization of busyness, grit, discipline, and self-sacrifice is completely and undoubtedly suffocating and quite frankly, needs to die. 

I felt that the Pandemic helped us collectively realize what the hell actually matters most.  In the last year, we started prioritizing health, wellbeing and our families over everything else.  We began taking breaks at work, taking walks over lunch, and clocking out early for that at-home yoga class.  We learned to be flexible and that shit can get done in an untraditional way, such as when it works best for us. 

We acknowledged the mental and emotional wellbeing of ourselves and those we care about. We took bold action and made big moves such as literally physically moving where our soul has been longing to go, left marriages that weren’t working anymore, left jobs and started new businesses that were more in alignment with who we really are and our higher callings.

And yet, here we are, so soon being pulled back into the old paradigm, the outdated way of being.  I can feel the pull myself and am also witnessing my bad ass working mama clients fill every minute back up on their calendars with shit that no longer fires them up.  Those gaps in their schedules are now being intercepted with appointments, meetings, and to-dos based on other people’s expectations, kicking out the walk, the meditation, the nap, the emotional check in, the connection with loved ones.

We are all of a sudden feeling guilty for doing our self-care and working less than 8-10 hours when in all honesty, our 6 hour work day is more productive than some other’s 10 hour work day.  We are feeling like we owe someone something. 

We did our part, taking one for the team during the Pandemic.  Sacrificing our work and our sanity to remote teach our kids and adjust to all the changes thrown at us.  We’ve BEEN taking one for the team since the beginning of time.  We deserve spaciousness, grace, and appreciation for all we’ve done.  We deserve flexibility at work so we can do all the things we do.  And we NEED to put our wellbeing first so we can carry on.  

The Pandemic became a pressure cooker for change, dismantling the paradigm that told us that we need to work hard until we die.  This is clearing space for the new paradigm to emerge and come forward as the new way of being.  One where we value the feminine by beginning to acknowledge the inherent gems women have, unique strengths buried under societies BS expectations such as intuition, sensing, creating, collaborating, reading a room, etc.

When we push to produce, perform, achieve, and perfect day after day irregardless of our cycles or what else is going on in our worlds we are more vulnerable to burn out and experience serious mental health concerns.  I am NOT here for it anymore.  Too many amazing women are suffering in silence with depression, anxiety, binge eating and drinking and all sorts of other ways of coping that are holding us back from feeling our best and therefore living a life we whole-heartedly desire.

So, my love, please please please do not fall into that old trap.  Do not be manipulated into believing that busyness is a good look or that you need to do or be more than you already are.  

May we turn our attention inward, regulate our nervous systems and fill our tanks.  May we breathe deep, dance hard, and laugh often.  Shed the shoulds.  Protect your precious resources like energy, time and intention fiercely.  Say No.  Ask for help.  Take breaks.  Move your body.  Breathe.  And for fuck’s sakes, rest and re-charge because this is just the beginning of the new way of being.  We have some work ahead in creating the new paradigm for how we work, how we define success and how we shine bright in the world.  NO biggie.  We gots this.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

3 Tips for Living in Extreme Uncertainty

It is November 2020, just two days into the election, and just when I thought we as Americans just could not take on any more uncertainty, we are waiting to hear who will be elected president. Having been on already shaky ground since March of this year due to COVID-19, adding a whole new level of uncertainty to the mix has many of us electric with anxiety. Or frozen in stuckness. Or wanting to run far, far away.

I am beginning to wonder if one of the larger assignments of getting through this really tough transition is learning to live with uncertainty.

The brain has evolved to protect us, and in doing so it needs to be able to predict future outcomes. It requires information so it can make a plan to keep us safe. It has us comparing ourselves to ensure we measure up and can survive socially. These functions of the brain are survival-based and have been evolving since the beginning of time when our environment was very much eat or be eaten. 

Not having information to be able to predict future outcomes and plan for safety has our brains and nervous systems going haywire and this experience can be wildly uncomfortable. Anytime we are going through a big life change, personally and collectively we enter into the “unknown” periods that leave us restless, unsure, and lost.

here are 3 tips to live with uncertainty

1.

Don’t forget to breathe. And really breathe.

The most nourishing thing we can do for our systems is to take a deep inhale and exhale. Seriously, a belly breathe will do more for you than a green juice. When we are in a place of uncertainty we tend to shorten our breath. I invite you right now to pause in this moment and just notice your breath. What is the quality, length, and what parts of your body are expanding and contracting? Now try putting one hand on your heart and the other on your belly and inhale to the count of 4 until you feel the hand on your belly rise, hold for 4 and exhale for 6. Do this for 3 minutes and notice how you feel after. Breathwork is not only nourishing for you on a cellar level, getting oxygen to your brain, it is also giving your brain and nervous system a signal that you are safe, releasing hormones that help you actually calm down and feel safe. We underestimate the healing power of our breath and connecting to it more mindfully each day will support us in being in uncertainty and listening to our own inner guidance.

2.

Movement. Move your friggen’ body.

Several times a day. Our feelings are held in our bodies, therefore the fear, anxiety, worry, grief, all of it is stored in your body and so we need to shake and move off the energy. This can look different for each person. For some, a deep stretch feels like a good enough release. Dance is beautiful for this purpose. Walking, earthing, hiking, cycling, swimming, twerking, it does not matter. This is not about exercise. This is about releasing stuff that is stuck in the body. When I feel stuck or that I am spiraling in anxiety I just start dancing or shaking or jumping up and down. It shifts my focus, brings a smile to my face, and shifts my energy. I also recommend doing this to get through an urge to cope in an unhealthy way.

3.

Daily Dose of JOY!

One of the hardest parts of living through these times is the feeling that there is nothing to look forward to. With COVID cases on the rise, holiday planning, vacations, and get-togethers are all on hold, yet again. Not having something to look forward to takes its toll on mental and emotional wellbeing- so I think it is so important to schedule in a daily dose of joy to your day, every day. Add in a bath with your new bath bomb, calling a friend, watching a show that makes you laugh, a short meditation, coffee on the patio, a good stretch outside facing the sun. It doesn’t need to be grandiose, it needs to be accessible and not serve a purpose other than to bring you joy. So what are the small things that bring you joy? Get out your phone/ planner and schedule one small daily dose of joy and have that to look forward to each day.

We need all the tools we can gather right now to remain grounded and healthy during these times of uncertainty. We need a break for our danger centers in the brain and our nervous systems. We need to process and access deep feelings and move them through our body and lastly, we need moments of pause to listen to ourselves and each other and be able to move forward in a conscious way.

Don’t let fear call the shots of your day, your life, and your outcomes. Fear has a purpose, to keep you safe, and it’s only a PART of you, it’s not the CEO of your life. YOU are. So, give yourself permission to sit in the yuck of not knowing, trusting that you will find your way somehow.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Identifying Feelings For The Woman Who Struggles To Feel

Are you a high-achieving, highly anxious, perfectionistic woman who is currently feeling lost, overwhelmed, like a failure at everything, triggered often, and in a constant state of stress?

Are you feeling like you can no longer function the way you have been all these years?  Feeling that you can no longer manage it all with a smile on your face while hiding the psychological torture you’re in?  That you are buckling from your own internal pressure and want to check out completely?  And has this phenomenon led you to cope in ways that are not healthy or in alignment with your higher self?  

If so, then you are just like me and we are having a normal human response to living through a collective trauma and crisis.

I see you babe.  I really really see you.  

Because I am you.

Right now, with the global pandemic, racial justice movement and relentless changes such as all of sudden teaching our kids, taking our businesses online, being with our partners all the time and wearing masks to all. the. things, it feels like we are in a pressure cooker with no way out.  

No way to release the steam and pressure to find relief.  

When in this position, our stuff is emerging and rising to the surface.  Our stuff meaning our stuffed feelings, parts of ourselves that are no longer serving us, patterns that prevent us from realizing our potential and feeling our best, and beliefs that hold us hostage from really living and being our authentic bad-ass-selves.

Those feelings that have been ignored and the ways in which you have kept them at bay; whether it be drinking, spending, cheating, raging, over producing, conflict in relationships, feeling bored with your career, or hating on yourself internally, are all ready to be honored and worked through.

Because when you do, sister, you rid yourself of all the junk weighing you down and holding you back.

This is an invitation to begin to tend to your feelings, your body holding those feelings and to begin to heal so you can navigate this collective transition we are in and perhaps even come out stronger and healthier than before.

One of my favorite ways to acknowledge and explore feelings is to set up a journal practice.

Journaling allows information that can often be outside of our awareness to come forward. 

Before you begin your journal practice, I strongly encourage you to set up an uninterrupted sacred space that feels safe and relaxing.  Take 10 deep belly breathes and enter into the space of self- compassion and reflection.  You may even light a candle and put on some of your favorite music.

Here are some journal prompts to get you started. Don’t overthink these questions, let your gut be your guide:

How am I feeling about everything that is going on right now?

Where am I holding those feelings in my body? (close your eyes and scan your body – no judgment or shaming what is coming up!)

Am I making time to feel and what does that look like

What are the thoughts and beliefs I have about my feelings that are showing up?

What behaviors am I engaging in to avoid feeling?

Let the information flow and do your best to meet it with curiosity and kindness.  This is all just information,  there is no right or wrong and it is absolutely okay for you to be exactly where you are right now.

Just by doing this, tending to your feelings, and writing them out you are: 

• Showing up for yourself in meaningful and healing ways

• Strengthening the mind-body connection so you can further identify and name feelings

• Have moved the feelings, making a shift happen in your body

Now, MOVE YOUR BODY in any way that feels good to complete the process.

This could look like standing up and shaking, dancing, stretching, or going for a walk.  Move the feelings through you and notice how you feel after.

Make this a practice you commit to as often as you can and notice shifts after a day, a week, and a month.

Now more than ever we need to tend to our emotional health and wellbeing and this practice can get you well on your way of doing just that.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Healthy Ways to Be in Love Limbo

As you all know, I am passionate about helping people navigate the one constant in life…CHANGE! And being in transition we as a culture often force ourselves into the next step or fall back into old patterns because being in the unknown is very uncomfortable. When it comes to love and relationships, things can become even more complicated.

Getting out of a relationship, even if it’s what we wanted and needed is difficult. One partner may want it more than the other, one may have cheated or been abusive, there may be jobs, houses, finances and children involved. And even if this change is the best thing for you, many emotions will arise and you will find yourself in what Thomas Moore describes “the neutral zone”.

You may be tempted to jump right out of the love transition and into the next relationship or hook up to ease your feelings of sadness, confusion, loneliness, grief, and all that comes with it. BUT taking time to carefully reconnect to yourself, to sit in this grey unknown while becoming open and able to receive what the universe has in store for you can help you attract healthy love.

So, what is it that I am suggesting? Take a big, grown up, TIME OUT! Yes, that’s right, a time out. Before getting clouded with another person’s needs, wants, and expectations, take some time to reflect, feel, observe and become aware. What’s most important to you when it comes to compatibility? What drove you nuts about your last partner and relationship? Were your needs met…why or why not? How open were you to receiving love or did you have subconscious walls up to protect yourself? What did you learn growing up about trust, intimacy, and relationships and is that a belief, norm, or way of being you want to move forward with?

Being in a relationship you may have conformed to what your partner wants, or have been so concerned with your own wants, you failed to compromise and meet your partner half way. Just sit with this for a while. We are under no obligation to be that same person, you have it in you to grow, evolve, give and receive.

Take time to be by yourself, to meditate, to be in nature and engaging in your favorite type of play. Reconnect to your friends, families, neighbors, those who are your biggest supporters. Take up that hobby you have always wanted to try and notice how it makes you feel to try new things, to accomplish healthy tasks and to be connected.

Having a good counselor or coach during this time can provide you the safe space to reconnect with yourself, to evaluate what healthy love is and how you operate within it, to explore relational issues and how to overcome obstacles, ultimately getting you ready to attract healthy love.

I am currently reading Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life and am going to leave you with this quote from Gregg Levoy, “Through some trial and error, I have discovered that often the best bait to use in luring a call is a little space. We need time when we’re not engaged in what the Taoists refer to as ‘the ten thousand things.’ When we give off nothing but busy signals, calls simply don’t get through. There’s no room for them. Make room for them. Get off the line every once in a while.”

Instead of giving off the busy signal trying to prematurely jump into something new, give yourself permission to heal, feel, and sit in the transition and that alone opens you up to what’s in store for you. Being the best version of yourself, you will attract the right partner. Having love and trust for yourself will help you to listen to your intuition, guiding you to a love that’s mutual and healthy. We can only love others as much as we love ourselves!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Are You in a Life, Love or Career TRANSITION?

At multiple points throughout our lives, we will find ourselves in transition.  We have all heard the saying, “Change is inevitable” which is true and having a counseling coach help you navigate transition can be invaluable.

Whether entering adulthood or mid-life, getting married or divorced, having children or grand children, or changing/ growing careers, we often brush over what was looking ahead at what’s to come.  It’s important during the process of change to honor the part of you and your life that was and to allow for some reflection and healing before moving forward.

During the transition you may experience many emotions such as fear, worry, excitement, sadness and guess what…that’s normal and to be expected.  It becomes a problem when we rush this period because the feelings are uncomfortable.  The in-between, unknown, grey ambiguous landscape is scary and sometimes we don’t know yet what our new normal will be.  But what is also true is that during this time we can either open ourselves up to new possibilities, ones that are authentic and exhilarating, or we can close down and block what’s truly in store for us.

So what are some things we can do to remain open and cope with change and transition?

It starts with becoming aware and giving yourself permission to FEEL!  It’s OK to be sad that you are no longer an only child, a single man, or in a specific position at work.  It’s OK to be scared about your new responsibilities and yet the only way forward is THROUGH the feelings.  Allow yourself to grieve what was, it certainly does not mean you are not excited or grateful for what’s ahead.  Try to allow as much time as possible to be in the unknown and engage in your favorite play, create quite time, journal, surround yourself with supporters – keep the channels open to receive new possibilities.

It’s often during our darkest night that the answer comes to us.  Just as we are about to give in and give up we see the forest through the trees.  During stillness we can learn to listen to our intuition and reconnect to our deepest values.  These are tools you will want in your new endeavors – whether it be new life stage, new relationship, or new career.

Counseling & Coaching provides the space to heal, feel, and cope with change.  It can support you in getting back to who you are meant to be and to become the best you yet.  By clearing our emotional vessels we create more space for our future and build upon our experiences to evolve in new and meaningful ways.

Cheers to change!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean