Being In Transition: Part I- Grief

How to Deal with Change: 3 Steps.

Step 1:  GRIEF

Throughout our lifetimes, each of us will encounter many different love, life and career transitions. Whether it be transitioning from childhood into adolescence and adulthood, from college to career, from losing a job to getting a promotion, losing a parent to becoming one, or hitting the “mid-life crisis,” there are periods of time that rock our world to its core and potentially change the path that we are on as a human being.

Many people dread these periods of time, fear them, avoid them, run from them.

But I have a different perspective. Although absolutely challenging, these are points in time that are filled with opportunities. Opportunities to deal with past hurts we are carrying around that are subconsciously getting in our way of being our best selves. Opportunities to identify patterns in our life that are no longer serving us. Opportunities to change coarse and become who we are meant to be. These are the richest times of our lives, if we know how to maximize the opportunity.

Being in a few life transitions myself, and specializing in transition as a counselor and coach, I wanted to share my three step process in using this time wisely (and surviving the storm!)

I am getting ready to bring my daughter into the world. My family is growing after many years of being what we were (a family of 3, but also part of a larger blended family). My first born is starting high school this year which is another huge transition, and I have launched a business that is growing and constantly in transition. Using the three step process, I have not only become comfortable with being in transition, but truly believe I am making the most of it.

And I feel compelled to share this with you!

The three part process includes:

Grief
Becoming
Adjustment/ Reconnection

So…for this blog, I am going to share part one of being in transition which is GRIEVING.

Each transition brings LOSS and often this loss might trigger past losses.

Our culture has the tendency to encourage us to focus on the future, what’s next, to be excited and grateful for whats to come. Which can be helpful. BUT if we don’t take time to consciously grieve what was, these feelings can manifest themselves in other ways later on. Grieving allows us to tap into our feelings to therefore express them, to acknowledge what was, whether good or bad, and to do some deeper reflection ultimately increasing self-awareness. From this place we can remain more grounded and intentional as we move forward.

As you are entering or going through a transition, here are a few ways in which you can consciously grieve. You can ask yourself the following questions and sit with them in meditation, prayer, journal them, or share with someone you trust (such as a therapist!!)

What is the transition I am in? You might be noticing a theme here with all my offerings, everything starts with awareness, acknowledgement, and naming what is going on. This is a instrumental first step. You might say something like, “I am aware that I am entering a life transition where I am having another baby, therefore changing my family life.”

Identify the feelings coming up around the transition. For this, you may need to dedicate 10- 15 minutes to sit in silence to allow the feelings to emerge. We get really good at subconsciously repressing, even unintentionally. So give yourself time, space and permission to tap in. Do a body scan and notice and feelings you might be holding in your body. What are they? You might say, “I notice I am feeling a sadness around my first born not being my only child anymore, and some anxiety around how this transition is going to effect my marriage, and some loneliness in being pregnant.”

Reflect on how you got here. I am finding myself in a unique situation where I had my first born 14 years ago in college and am just now adding to my family. How I got here is a long story, but one that if I fully honor it, I can pull out pearls of strength I have leveraged over the years and also things about myself that need further attention that led me down paths that weren’t in my best interest. Look at your story through a compassionate lens. Recognize the good and take accountability for what you would change.

Use coping skills to sit in the unknown. One of the most challenging parts of being in transition is that we can’t plan and predict everything that is going to happen next, which our brains do not appreciate. I have no real idea how my family life is going to look and feel in one month from now, let alone one year, five years, and so on. I have no control over many components of what’s to come and that can be terrifying. This is where it can be helpful to lean on your spirituality or trust in something greater. When discomfort arises being in this unknown territory, identify the feelings, take a breath, and remind yourself that you are ready and prepared to take on whatever comes your way, and that you trust that all will work out. Because let’s face it, haven’t you made it through every challenging thing you have encountered thus far? Why would this situation be any different? Take another breath. Share your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust.

Capture this phase and these moments. Enjoy these last days, weeks, months being that family of three, or in that position at work, or with your girlfriends being single post-split. Take pictures and be present. You will not always be in this place, as the one constant is change and very soon you will find yourself in a different position. Remember who you were at this time so we can start working on step two of this process which is all about BECOMING.

Although this may not appear to be the fun part of the process, trust me when I say its essential. It will clear space for what’s to come. It will release unnecessary garbage you are carrying around with you. It will provide you personal insights that allow for better self-awareness therefore deeper connections with others. And, it can help you appreciate yourself and all you have been through while empowering you to take courageous steps moving forward that elevate your life in so many ways.

This is the work I am oh so passionate about. If you would benefit from having a guide to help you navigate your love, life or career transition, call me today! If you need support through this grief, but also want to identify the patterns to ultimately make intentional adjustments to your life, let’s get to work now. Click here to find out more information about me and how we can work together. www.BrookeJeanllc.com

Let’s make a minor change in our mindset today by seeing change and transition differently…as an OPPORTUNITY!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

How to Effectively Lead Your Team Through Change (and get them excited about it!

Whether you are an entrepreneur of a small or large company, or are a leader/ manager/ executive with a corporation, one of the biggest challenges you may face is leading your team through change. As the business grows, so does the team, so do the processes and so on. Change is tough on all of us, as humans we innately are eased when we know what to expect, we innately calm when the anxiety of the unknown is diminished, and we feel successful when what’s expected of us is achievable and mastered.

But what we also know is we don’t tend to stay in that comfort zone long. Denver is growing, business is booming so we better be evolving in order to keep up. You may be a go-getter and therefore enjoy the challenge of change and learning something new. Good for you! I personally like being stimulated in that way, but even I like a break from change every once in awhile to strengthen my performance.

Your team, however, they might not be the same as you. Change might be excruciatingly challenging, frustrating, and it may throw them into vulnerability and insecurity.

Here are a few things to consider when leading your team through change:

1. Just being aware of how change might affect your team and knowing that everyone deals with it differently is a great starting point. As mentioned, some folks like the challenge, some are completely threatened by it. Getting to know your people on a personal level will inform you on how they want to be communicated to, and how they deal with change. Take a look within and examine how you deal with change. All eyes will be on you during this transition.

2. Effective communication is imperative. Map out your communication plan. Depending on the change you might want to have one on one’s with those most impacted followed by group meetings to inform the team. Use a calendar to map out when you are having all of these conversations and put time aside for follow up conversations with those who need it. Make yourself available during this time. The order of who finds out information and when they hear it will impact your team culture – for example if a newer employee finds out about an important change before one of your managers, your manager will feel less valued and empowered, therefore potentially less supportive of the change.

3. Explain the why’s – treat your team as the stakeholders they are. What is changing and why? How is this change going to impact them, the business, your company goals, and mission – tie it to the big picture. How will it benefit the team, customer, and business. And be transparent about the challenges you all may face in light of this change. Initially there may be some kinks to work out, but “here is how we are going to work through them”. Gaining the teams buy-in to change is essential in rolling it out effectively.

4. Ask for their input, as feasible. After explaining the change and the why’s, ask them how they feel and what they think about this change. Just being heard goes a long way for folks. Ask them how they see this change positively impacting the business? What obstacles are they foreseeing? They may provide insight you hadn’t considered, and now you can get in front of it.

5. Have a training plan in place – and follow up measures to ensure everyone is on board, is getting the knowledge they need and is executing to the new standard. Celebrate with your team when they are on the program and provide honest, open, and timely feedback and ongoing training to those who are not quite on the program.

6. Do what you can to make it fun! Play Bingo as part of the training, have a competition among your team with rewards, make a poster and plaster successes all over the office. Laughter makes everything better…oh and happy engaged teams, and increased sales do too.

Some of your team may embrace change – those are most likely your leaders and managers, and some will be extremely resistant to change. Attitude is key, but the team is more likely to join you on the growth journey when they feel valued, informed, heard, and when they are clear on the expectation.

If you are an entrepreneur and would like counseling, coaching, or small business consulting, give me a call to set up a meeting to discuss a course of supportive action for you and your team. Being an business owner, leader, and manager brings a great deal of responsibility, and in my experience investing in your personal and professional development is beneficial to your long-term success.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Healthy Ways to Be in Love Limbo

As you all know, I am passionate about helping people navigate the one constant in life…CHANGE! And being in transition we as a culture often force ourselves into the next step or fall back into old patterns because being in the unknown is very uncomfortable. When it comes to love and relationships, things can become even more complicated.

Getting out of a relationship, even if it’s what we wanted and needed is difficult. One partner may want it more than the other, one may have cheated or been abusive, there may be jobs, houses, finances and children involved. And even if this change is the best thing for you, many emotions will arise and you will find yourself in what Thomas Moore describes “the neutral zone”.

You may be tempted to jump right out of the love transition and into the next relationship or hook up to ease your feelings of sadness, confusion, loneliness, grief, and all that comes with it. BUT taking time to carefully reconnect to yourself, to sit in this grey unknown while becoming open and able to receive what the universe has in store for you can help you attract healthy love.

So, what is it that I am suggesting? Take a big, grown up, TIME OUT! Yes, that’s right, a time out. Before getting clouded with another person’s needs, wants, and expectations, take some time to reflect, feel, observe and become aware. What’s most important to you when it comes to compatibility? What drove you nuts about your last partner and relationship? Were your needs met…why or why not? How open were you to receiving love or did you have subconscious walls up to protect yourself? What did you learn growing up about trust, intimacy, and relationships and is that a belief, norm, or way of being you want to move forward with?

Being in a relationship you may have conformed to what your partner wants, or have been so concerned with your own wants, you failed to compromise and meet your partner half way. Just sit with this for a while. We are under no obligation to be that same person, you have it in you to grow, evolve, give and receive.

Take time to be by yourself, to meditate, to be in nature and engaging in your favorite type of play. Reconnect to your friends, families, neighbors, those who are your biggest supporters. Take up that hobby you have always wanted to try and notice how it makes you feel to try new things, to accomplish healthy tasks and to be connected.

Having a good counselor or coach during this time can provide you the safe space to reconnect with yourself, to evaluate what healthy love is and how you operate within it, to explore relational issues and how to overcome obstacles, ultimately getting you ready to attract healthy love.

I am currently reading Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life and am going to leave you with this quote from Gregg Levoy, “Through some trial and error, I have discovered that often the best bait to use in luring a call is a little space. We need time when we’re not engaged in what the Taoists refer to as ‘the ten thousand things.’ When we give off nothing but busy signals, calls simply don’t get through. There’s no room for them. Make room for them. Get off the line every once in a while.”

Instead of giving off the busy signal trying to prematurely jump into something new, give yourself permission to heal, feel, and sit in the transition and that alone opens you up to what’s in store for you. Being the best version of yourself, you will attract the right partner. Having love and trust for yourself will help you to listen to your intuition, guiding you to a love that’s mutual and healthy. We can only love others as much as we love ourselves!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Are You in a Life, Love or Career TRANSITION?

At multiple points throughout our lives, we will find ourselves in transition.  We have all heard the saying, “Change is inevitable” which is true and having a counseling coach help you navigate transition can be invaluable.

Whether entering adulthood or mid-life, getting married or divorced, having children or grand children, or changing/ growing careers, we often brush over what was looking ahead at what’s to come.  It’s important during the process of change to honor the part of you and your life that was and to allow for some reflection and healing before moving forward.

During the transition you may experience many emotions such as fear, worry, excitement, sadness and guess what…that’s normal and to be expected.  It becomes a problem when we rush this period because the feelings are uncomfortable.  The in-between, unknown, grey ambiguous landscape is scary and sometimes we don’t know yet what our new normal will be.  But what is also true is that during this time we can either open ourselves up to new possibilities, ones that are authentic and exhilarating, or we can close down and block what’s truly in store for us.

So what are some things we can do to remain open and cope with change and transition?

It starts with becoming aware and giving yourself permission to FEEL!  It’s OK to be sad that you are no longer an only child, a single man, or in a specific position at work.  It’s OK to be scared about your new responsibilities and yet the only way forward is THROUGH the feelings.  Allow yourself to grieve what was, it certainly does not mean you are not excited or grateful for what’s ahead.  Try to allow as much time as possible to be in the unknown and engage in your favorite play, create quite time, journal, surround yourself with supporters – keep the channels open to receive new possibilities.

It’s often during our darkest night that the answer comes to us.  Just as we are about to give in and give up we see the forest through the trees.  During stillness we can learn to listen to our intuition and reconnect to our deepest values.  These are tools you will want in your new endeavors – whether it be new life stage, new relationship, or new career.

Counseling & Coaching provides the space to heal, feel, and cope with change.  It can support you in getting back to who you are meant to be and to become the best you yet.  By clearing our emotional vessels we create more space for our future and build upon our experiences to evolve in new and meaningful ways.

Cheers to change!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean