How to overcome the fear of being a burden when asking for help?

I want to chat about topic that resonates deeply with many women, especially those balancing the demanding roles of motherhood, career, and personal life. It's the struggle of asking for help from our partners because it feels like an inconvenience or burden. Sound familiar? Let's unpack this together.

From a young age, many women are conditioned to put others' needs before their own. We're taught to be caretakers, always attuned to the feelings and needs of those around us. This nurturing instinct, while beautiful, often leads us to believe that asking for help is selfish or burdensome. We're so used to managing everything that the idea of delegating or sharing responsibilities feels like we're shirking our duties.

Can we take a moment to talk about the mental load that comes with motherhood? This the invisible, cognitive labor involved in managing a household and family. It includes remembering appointments, planning meals, keeping track of school events, and more. It's a relentless mental checklist that women often carry alone. Despite being physically and emotionally exhausted, many of us hesitate to ask our partners for help with tasks like taking the kids to school, washing dishes, or doing laundry because we fear adding to their burden.

The guilt associated with asking for help is rooted in deep-seated beliefs. We worry that by asking our partners to pitch in, we're inconveniencing them or adding to their stress. But let's flip the script: sharing responsibilities isn't an inconvenience; it's a partnership. When we ask for help, we're not only lightening our load but also fostering a more balanced and equitable relationship.

To change this narrative, we need to challenge and reframe our beliefs:

1. Recognize the Importance of Self-Care: Taking care of yourself isn't selfish; it's essential. When you're well-rested and less stressed, you're a better partner, parent, and friend.

2. Communicate Openly: Your partner isn't a mind reader. Share your feelings and explain why you need help. Use "I" statements to express your needs without sounding accusatory. For example, "I feel overwhelmed with the household chores and could really use your help with the laundry."

3. Set Clear Expectations: Be specific about what you need help with and how it should be done. Clear communication helps avoid misunderstandings and ensures tasks are completed to a standard that satisfies both parties.

4. Appreciate the Effort: When your partner helps out, acknowledge and appreciate their effort. Positive reinforcement encourages continued support and fosters a sense of teamwork.

Another hurdle in asking for help is the fear that tasks won't be done "the right way." This perfectionism can be paralyzing. We need to embrace the idea that done is better than perfect. If your partner handles a task 80% as well as you would, consider it a win. Focus on the bigger picture: by sharing the load, you have more time and energy for the things that truly matter.

“If we want the help, we have to let go of the control that it's gonna be done exactly as we like it.”

Creating a supportive partnership requires ongoing effort and communication. Here are some steps to build a more balanced dynamic:

• Regular Check-Ins: Schedule regular check-ins with your partner to discuss how things are going and adjust responsibilities as needed.

• Divide and Conquer: Create a list of household and parenting tasks and divide them based on strengths, preferences, and availability.

• Be Patient: Change doesn't happen overnight. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you navigate this new way of sharing responsibilities.

Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of strength and self-awareness. By breaking free from the guilt and embracing a more balanced approach to partnership, we can create healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Remember, you deserve support just as much as anyone else. Let's start asking for it, without guilt or hesitation.

Sending you so much love on this journey of self-growth and discovery. We’re in this together, baby! Here’s to reshaping our beliefs and building stronger, more supportive partnerships.

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Take care of yourselves and therefore each other!

XO, Brooke Jean