6 Reasons Why Moms Make the Best Leaders

By Brooke Jean, MA, LPC

Becoming a mother has been the most transformative transition of my life to date, and it has put me face-to-face with aspects of myself that help me kick ass in business. 

And as a therapist and coach supporting mostly working moms, I have a front-row-seat to their strengths and struggles and I am here to say — they kick ass too!

As mothers, I feel we have a duty to co-create the new normal we want to live, work, and thrive in. As employers, we have a duty to figure out how to offer flexible work schedules and conditions to accommodate what I believe are some of your best and most strategic hiring moves.

here’s why i believe moms make the best leaders, entrepreneurs, and professionals.

1. We have an unfuckwithable source of strength buried deep inside of us that we get to meet and greet when becoming a mother.  Whether it’s hearing “it’s time to push” after being in labor for 48 hours, or making it through another day of summer after not sleeping for three days, being constantly over-stimulated and not taking a moment to collect yourself, we tap into some animalistic strength that’ll surprise the living shit outta you. It certainly surprised the living shit outta me. Once we know we have that source of strength, we can harness it and use it for good and to make shit happen in other arenas.
   
   

2. We’re deeply intuitive and this, as our super power, deserves solid recognition as well as celebration. You know what I can do since becoming a mother?  I can sense what’s not being said in a room, I can tell who’s had a rough morning, who fears the next roll out, who’s in conflict with each other and who’s thinking about quitting. All just by paying attention, being present, and trusting my intuition.  Knowing what’s not being said and addressing it saves companies and teams time, trust, and straight productivity. Often the things holding a team back are outside the awareness of the folks involved, but moms — we sense that shit and will work through it. In addition to being intuitive, we’re energetically sensitive, compassionate and empathic. Having these gifts allows us to build authentic and long-lasting relationships which I believe is the vehicle to any forward movement, change or success.
   
   

3. We’re kick-ass relationship builders, amazing connectors, and therefore collaborators.  Connection is the foundation to any business venture you have.  Without it, not much will get done or remain impactful. Mothers go through brain reconstruction that allows them to attune like crazy to their babies. For example — we might lose some vocabulary temporarily, but we gain being able to hear our babies cry two miles away. This attunement to our kids can be transferrable to others. Attunement is key in making people feel seen and heard and creates safety amongst teams. This feeling of safety opens channels of communication sparking innovation, creativity, and creative collaboration.  Attunement is key in nervous system regulation which enhances health and wellbeing and is something leaders need to be paying attention to these days.  If you are not creating a safe culture, your people will not be bringing their best to work. We do this naturally.
   
   

4. Moms are the ones you want running the show, especially in a CRISIS. Why?  Well, partly because we are already doing this in our day-to-day lives. Have you ever tried to get three kids out of the house and off to their things every morning? Next time you’re at a five year old’s birthday party, observe what mom is doing and then what dad is doing. Mom is clearly in charge, running the show and making sure everyone is having the time of their lives. Dad is drinking a beer and appears to be one of the party attendees, rather than a parent in charge! Moms go into business-handler mode without thinking and we consider all the people around us. We face the hard things, make challenging and scary decisions, and make shit happen. As leaders, we are not afraid to step up in a crisis. I’ve been that leader and seen those leaders in action.
   
   

5. We are time-management masters.  What a mother can accomplish in four uninterrupted hours is the equivalent of what their counter-parts can do in eight hours. Why? Again, because we have experience juggling forty-seven balls all at one time and being the safety net should any ball fall. We tell others what they can take off our plate, because we are managing all the things. We also have perspective on life becoming a mom so we know what’s important and can leave the rest. We have a strong desire to get back to our kids so we have this fierce, intrinsic motivation to get shit done. We are mama bears wanting to provide for our cubs so we want to get it done right the first time while delighting our clients, teams, bosses, etc. We are living in a constant state of change - right now adjusting to the summer schedules so we become more comfortable with change and grow in adaptability, resilience, and resourcefulness.  
   
   

6. This one is important because I believe one of the biggest blocks leaders have is their pain, their trauma, and the avoidance of their healing. This stuff becomes a hot wet blanket holding them back from seeing and believing in their potential but are often in denial. Mothers, because we want to be the best for our kids, are willing to do the inner work. We tend to lean toward “what can I do and how can I be better.” We tend to be more okay with vulnerability and reaching out to community for support. When we heal ourselves, not only do we remove energetic barriers for our success — we also become more authentic and relatable to others. We perpetuate compassion and empathy and deepen our relationships. We see and know our worth which fuels our self confidence.  

When I think about what mothers doing their healing can do as leaders in this messy world, I get the goosebumps. I feel hope. I feel optimistic.

We have a real responsibility to make space for working mothers in the work force and in leadership roles. We don’t need eight hours a day, five days a week, Monday through Friday to create movements, lead teams, drive change, and come up with solutions to complex problems. What we need is to ditch and dismantle the outdated structures and systems that hold us back, limit our potential and expression, and make teams feel untrusted. 

Out are the days where anyone needs to be micro-managed and that we force grit or discipline and action-plan the living daylights out of things. In are our innate feminine forces where we tap into our intuition and our ability to connect, conspire, and birth new ideas out into the world. Where we use energy and find flow to remember the true nature of who we are and humanity at large. 

this is what the world needs right now.

I shared more on a recent episode of my podcast for working moms — The Unperfected Pod — where we normalize normal and find freedom through a life unperfected. Learn more here!

To follow more of my thoughts and real-life shenanigans, check out my Instagram!

with BIG love,

Brooke Jean, MA, LPC

How to Start a Journaling Practice

By Brooke Jean, MA, LPC

A tried-and-true tool that I share with clients every single day as a therapist and coach that has also transformed my own life is journaling.

I often get asked, well how do I start? What do I do? What’s the purpose?

Here is my quick overview and spiel on why and how you can leverage this tool for your emotional, mental, and physical wellbeing.

First - invest in a beautiful journal that excites you just to look at, and a pen that you absolutely freaking love to use. 

Having nice things motivates us to continue the practice.  Also, you deserve nice things.  That’s important to allow in and remember.

Next, you’ll need to set aside time for your new practice! Studies show that when we determine what we are going to do along with WHEN and WHERE, we are much more likely to do it. So, when and where will you journal? 

i journal as part of my morning ritual. 

Y’all know I am OBSESSED with a good morning ritual, honey! This daily practice has completely changed how I start and therefore experience each day.  Here’s a quick download of my morning ritual:

I get up before the motley crew in my home, usually between 5:30am and 6:30am, and I start boiling water for my hot lemon water. While that’s cooling down I do a 10-15 minute meditation which I choose based on what I have going on. Then, depending on what came through in the meditation, I journal and create. Having this morning ritual has me feeling like I have already accomplished the world by 7:00am and its all gravy from there!! 

How you start your day sets the tone for your day and this has me vining high right out of the gates. 

We must remember we are not an unlimited tank of gas energetically, so starting your day by filling your tank will help you have energy throughout the day for the things that matter most. So ask yourself — when and where will I make this happen?? 

put it in your calendar. communicate to your people that you’ll be doing this.

Next, set your intention with that you want to get out of this practice. What are wishing to feel and experience from this practice? What is it you are needing? How do you want this to serve and help you? Set your intention and write it out. It could look a little something like:

“Journaling every day will bring clarity to my life.” Or — “Spending time on myself each morning will charge my battery.”

Notice that I’m speaking in the present as if that shiz is already happening.
Because it is!

Finally, sit your fanny down and just start brain-dumping. 

write anything you want. scribble. draw images. put pen to freaking paper.

I like a little structure to my journaling, so I break my entries out into three categories:

1.  I write out what’s coming up for me.

This is where I process shit. What feelings am I feeling? What am I struggling with or wrestling with? What am I working through? What’s happening in my life that I need to get out?

If you’re not sure, start by asking yourself — do I feel pleasant or unpleasant? Good mood or bad mood? High energy or low energy? What sensation am I feeling in my body? What am I noticing? This is all building your trust muscle in yourself and opening up channels of communication which will allow more information to flow later in time. 

Just check the heck in. If all else fails, just write — I am not sure what I am feeling. Just begin. That’s half the battle people.

2.  Here is where I list out my intentions around the WHO I want to BE to have the life I want to have, and HOW I want to FEEL. 

This allows me to remember my bigger why and re-commit daily.  This is where my manifestation practices come in. Lately I’ve been wanting to feel more energized and happy, so here is where I write about that. What’s working, what’s pulling me away from the way I want to feel. Here is where I ask — how DO I want to feel? Who do I want to BE? What big dreams do I have for myself? 

I also do a little visualization in my meditation before journaling, where I pull up an image of me embodying how I want to feel — living my best freaking life. That builds up energetic momentum for this portion of journaling. I get emotionally and energetically connected to this becoming, to this manifestation, to my future, my goals, and my dreams.

3.  I write out steps I am taking today to move toward how I want to feel and who I want to be. 

Here is where I list out the aligned action I’m taking to bring things to fruition, which holds me accountable to my goals. Not only does it keep me on track — it allows me to look back and monitor my progress which releases feel-good hormones that motivates me to carry on. 

Here is where you move the needle and remember that to create the life you’ve always wanted, you have to get off your fanny and make magic happen. Here is where I celebrate the effort and consistency in how I show up for my dreams. Here is where I repeat the mantra I am proud of the work I have done.

setting this time aside for you, to check in on you, is extremely powerful. 

You are sending a message to the Universe that you matter and that you are worthy of self care, while also sending a message to yourself that you’ll continually show up for you. This is extremely healing and therapeutic because all too often we have abandoned ourselves and lost that trust, such that our bodies and intuition have actually stopped trying to communicate with us. This practice opens those channels, rebuilds the trust, and allows you to get to know yourself on a much deeper level. 

It is here that you begin to process things that are happening in your life.

Where you move emotion through your body.

Where you begin to heal.  

Where you access parts of your being that you didn’t even know exist.

Where you download brilliant ideas and clarity from your internal guidance system, your intuition.

Where you can connect spiritually and receive beautiful guidance, the experience of being held.

And all of this, my friends, supports your mental health and wellbeing. May this practice support you in such meaningful ways.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Perfectionism as a Conditioned Trauma Response: My Journey Toward Integration.

By Brooke Jean, MA, LPC

2012 was a massive, game-changing, kick-you-in-the-ass year for me. 

At the height of my corporate career while raising a son for the past ten years, my work community was hit with a massive collective trauma. Half of my team was in the movie theatre seeing Batman the horrific night of the Aurora Theatre shooting. What unfolded next was nothing short of true terror.  We shockingly and devastatingly lost a team member that night.  

That same year, I married the man who I had met and began dating eight years prior.  The solid, loving, loyal and stable mid west boy who showed up in our store in Longmont, CO transferring from Wisconsin.  We worked together and while I wasn’t ready for a serious thing he waited patiently and ultimately broke through my thick walls.  We waited eight years to get married because, well, to be frank after being royally fucked by the last man, the father of my child, I was hesitant.  I needed to make sure he was good for my son and I.  And friends, he sure was and is.

We got married and headed to Maui for a ten night beach-front stay.  This was the first time in a decade I had actually relaxed.  I had my son in college and had been climbing the corporate ladder, trying to build a future for my son and I. 

I was endlessly busy, but here is where my nervous system regulated just enough for my psyche to reveal to me what I had been suppressing since I was a child.

In came a flooding of memories from my childhood that were disturbing.  Traumatic.  In came the surge of anxiety as I had my first panic attack thinking I was suffocating from over-eating quietly in bed as I didn’t want to disturb my partner.  In came the body sensations I had pushed down for decades.  Even though I could compartmentalize, shove shit down in layman’s terms and enjoy many parts of the honeymoon, it was on this trip that I knew it was time for a major life overhaul.

this is how i discovered that often the most brutally intense experiences open us up for the most bad ass transformation.

The trauma of the community crisis, although completely unrelated, triggered my childhood trauma.  Thats how grief and trauma work.

I did a scary thing and left my stable corporate career to start my healing journey, knowing there simply wasn’t enough space for the big job with lots of pressure AND the personal development work I was going to do.

Once I started doing the healing work, I learned that the perfectionism, the constant strive for more, for better, for high achievement was actually a conditioned trauma response. 

One that gave me an illusion of control.  That hid my wounds keeping me distracted by titles, bonuses, big responsibilities and big material rewards.  Dopamine hits all day long.  Anyone who works in corporate America can probably relate to those high high’s and low low’s.  I wore this badge of honor proudly with a “look at how good I am” smirk.

Taking that armor off, I met my inner younger version of myself who was pissed off. 

Boy oh boy did she have some rage to express and here’s why.  One of my deepest wounds was that no one protected me as a child from the circumstances that led to the traumas.  And this is not about blaming parents, thats not healing or purposeful.  This is what generational trauma looks like. 

We don’t know what we don’t know, we do the best we can and we can never fully protect our kids from harm or from being kids.  This IS to acknowledge that my inner child did not feel protected or validated in her big feelings. 

And here I was as a young adult re-enacting this reality.  Not protecting myself by way of an eating disorder, tolerating bullshit men and their bullshit treatment, one of which I had a child with who cheated on me the whole time.  Drinking, drugging, and putting myself in reckless situations to be hurt or hurt someone else.  

That rage was my inner younger self screaming from the rooftops “You are supposed to be my protector now and you are not protecting me, wtf are you doing”? I understand now why I was so angry.  Why all the outbursts.

It took me too long to hear her. Why? Because I was busy doing, perfecting, performing, producing.  Chasing safety and control in achievements.  Running away from myself because somehow I knew deep down it was too scary a place.  This is how perfectionism made me sick - it covered up what needed tending to and perpetuated the incessant experience of not enough-ness.

The healing has been a discovery back to my most authentic self and all my parts.  It’s been a shedding of layers I built out of protection or seeking approval. 

An exploration of self, what lights me up what doesn’t and what I am passionate about.  It’s been about asking myself hard questions and being brave enough to listen to the answers.  

And now here I am, on the journey still but living a completely different life.  One where I show up for myself and protect myself in all the ways I didn’t before.  Following my bliss, I went back to school got my masters in counseling psychology and launched a private practice seven years ago that has grown and is thriving. I grew my family, bringing my precious daughter into the world five years ago.  I allow myself to dream big, as I have an unwavering belief in myself and my abilities now, honing my gifts.

You see, all this yuck.  The trauma.  The broken parts and missing pieces.  My shadow.  My pissed off younger parts.  The journey itself.  It all adds up and helps me know what the fuck I am made of. 

She’s a bad mama mama folks and this is what organically propels me forward.  To be who I authentically am.  To live in alignment with my soul’s deepest desires.  To work and live in a way thats rich and meaningful to me.  To accept myself and be more than okay always being a work in progress as not all parts of my lived experience are where I want them to be.  

It’s all part of my story and is preparing me for this very moment which I can now be present for because I am no longer buried under the pressure of who I thought I was supposed to be.  Buried under my hurts trying to out perform the pain and for that I am so deeply grateful.

i am at peace knowing i am making my inner younger self feel safe and proud. 

Honoring her, giving her a special seat at my life’s table and checking in with her often.  Valuing her and knowing her big feelings are actually my superpowers.  

Lately I have been sober curious and taking breaks from alcohol as this was a major culprit in my self-harm, self-sabotage and not protecting myself.  I am sixty days AF today and in my journal was reflecting on how emotionally stunted I was and in some ways still am.  I am just now learning to regulate myself and to express my emotions. 

I finally have true self-respect as I used to have a swiss-cheesy foundation of self-worth where the holes were the parts and pieces I left behind in each trauma.  I’ve gone back and patched those holes up to build a steady foundation.  Pulling all the pieces of me back into Self to be more whole.  Especially the parts that were absolutely fucking reckless just trying to survive.  She did the best she could to hold it all down but it was just too much.  I was slowly burying her but I’ve pulled her up from under the water, given her a towel, warmed her up, looked her deep in her eyes, thanking her, assuring her I can take it from here.

***This is what my journey of integration looks like***

What might perfectionism; the over-doing, over-achieving, over-controlling be covering up for you? What kick in the ass are you experiencing from the Universe thats trying to get on a different path? What parts of you can you face, meet with grace and compassion and allow in?

Where are you along your journey back home to Self? 

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

I’m participating in Dry January because booze is a sledgehammer to mental health.

By Brooke Jean, MA, LPC

Like everything else I do, have done and most likely will continue to do in my life, I take the most messy unperfected path.

As an overwhelmed, over-stimulated, busy working mama just trying to do life while healing her own damn wounds, I have adopted some pretty shitty ways of coping over the years. 

How do I deal with all the forces coming at me all day needing things from me?  The loud and painfully noisy “mama, mama, mama, mama”?  The pressure to be the perfect mother, professional, neighbor, class volunteer, yogi, you name it?  How do I decompress from a heavy day, forget my problems and find the energy for what I call the second shift in parenting which consists of school pick up, playtime, sports, dinner, bath, books and the ridiculously long and drawn out bedtime routine? 

VINO.  That’s how.

Unfortunately for me, one glass always leads to many more, to later be combined with a full plate of brie cheese and crackers and some mindless shopping online.  The result is shitty sleep and waking up the next day in yet another shame spiral.

How was I navigating that relentless shame spiral?  You guess it, more food, booze and Amazon Prime. Fuck me.

Being on a never ending personal development and healing journey, I have faced that this way of existing might not be serving me and my highest good (insert heavy eye roll here due to my sarcasm).  Like I know deep down this shit isn’t serving me, but turning awareness into long-term action is freaking HARD. 

I have been sober curious for around two years now and have taken many breaks from the booze just to fall back into old patterns.

In my practice, I have been yappin’ my trapper all month long about setting holiday boundaries and about how the holidays are full of opportunities for self-sabotaging our intentions, goals, dreams and desires. 

In looking at my own life, because all too often the messages we are sharing with others are the ones we need to hear the most, I have come to the realization that my coping combo (food, wine and Amazon Prime) are self-sabotaging time sucks that quite literally demolish my mental health.

Every year, I join the Dry January movement as I believe big alcohol negatively affects many people and I want to be part of the movement toward better health and higher consciousness. This time around however I feel it may be a longer experiment as I have big dreams to fulfill and when I am really honest with myself, they don’t have room for hangovers or really any low vibe shit.  

Let me say it loud here: 
I no longer engage in mindless and soul-crushing time sucks anymore.

My journey to this clarity has been anything but linear and clear.  It’s actually been so freaking messy.  I’ve gone back and forth and ran back into the fire a million times over just to ditch my intentions all over again.  But that’s life, and apparently how I roll. 

Can we normalize the struggle to ditch our crummy coping mechanisms?  Even when we are a helping professional who damn well knows better but still finds her / himself in the traps of despair from time to time? 

Yes.  I am a human just like the rest of us.  And this is my unperfected path to unlearn everything I have been conditioned to believe is stress-relieving, fun and joyful.  To make space for new ways of being that don’t take a sledgehammer to my mental health but actually build me up.

So, who’s with me?  

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

2022 lessons & blessin’s

By Brooke Jean, MA, LPC

Every December I set the intention to down shift, hibernate a bit and reflect on all the lessons and blessin’s from the year.  I pull out my journal where I have been documenting my process and progress. In January I set my intentions, typically join a manifestation challenge for fun and write how I am working my way toward what I am calling into my life every day.  It is so fun to look back, to see and be proud of all the work I have done. 

Growth, purpose and FUN are my core values, so I am committed to these practices.

It wasn’t until recently that I learned engaging in such activities has additional benefits such as rewiring the brain to reduce negativity bias, seeing the enough-ness, releasing the hormones that send more pleasure, motivation, reward and feel good feels through my body, and enhancing motivation & commitment to stay on the path. I love when we are called to do things intuitively that have major impact on our overall wellbeing.

Anywho - cheers to reflecting on what I am most proud of from 2022:

1. My personal growth which included more self-discovery, deeper healing and expansion.

I did work around identifying my attachment style and how that affects me in my relationships. I took a hard look at how I was spending my time, energy, and sanity. I removed the habits and patterns no longer serving me and I began replacing them with healthy ones. I hired coaches to guide me toward my dreams and desires, to help remove subconscious blocks preventing me from actualizing my potential. Did energy healing, deepened my spiritual practices and devoured countless books, articles, and podcasts oriented around my personal growth and development.

2. I celebrated 10 years married with my partner - whom I have been with for 19, yes 19 years!

We have been through so much together, grown together and apart and came back again. We’ve built a beautiful life together and I am so very grateful for his love, support and consistency. Marriage is probably the hardest thing I invest in due to my own wounding and yet I have never been more committed to us as I am right now. We celebrated in Maui, our favorite place, reconnecting, remembering who we were before we were responsible for all.the.things, laughing, eating, enjoying each other. It was magic. Im so very proud of us.

3. My kids.

Camden made it through his freshman year in college (thank you Jesus!) and is thriving. He found his magic (music - the jazz sax to be specific), found his people and is just golden to the core. I am so proud to be able to pay for his college out of pocket as I had him in college and have worked my ass off to provide. It’s an HONOR to provide in this way and I am so proud of him stepping into his power, purpose and potential. My girl, my hilarious, witty, smart AF girl transitioned into Kindergarten beautifully and inspires me to be brave every day. She might be the most bold and brave soul I’ve ever known. I can’t wait to see her continue to step into who she is and go after shit in life. This little Leo is something FIERCE and challenges me in such deep and meaningful ways.

4. Our clients!

Living in my purpose and getting to do the work I do every day fills my tank beyond belief. I am so proud of all of our clients who show up to do the work and who are saying a YES to something big in their lives. I am proud of the service we provide. Of the meaning and purpose behind the work and the opportunities that continue to come our way. I believe we are making a big impact helping people let of who they think they are supposed to be in order to get back to who they authentically are. Bringing awareness to mental health and healing through humor is the mission we bring to life each and every day and it straight brings me joy.

5. Meghan on my team.

She is my right hand wo-man! She is simply amazing. Who she is and the way she works blows me away. I feel so grateful to have someone like her on my team, helping bring the mission and movement to light. I have been able to bring her on as a W2, provide benefits and things that help her grow personally and professionally and doing so lights me up. We hosted our 1st retreat together this year, launched an online brain health program, hit our growth and financial goals, and built community in the process. And this is just the beginning for us!

6. I took a week off just to chill.

No plans, everyone else did what they normally do. I did lots of self care. This was a first for me and it shook me in all the right ways and will be an annual happening.

7. I hired a financial planner & wealth manager.

I moved all my money over to start investing again. This feels very adult and responsible to me!

8. I kicked the ball down the field with intention this entire year and can see the results.

When I would fall out of alignment, away from intention, I gracefully got my fanny back up and on it. This getting back on process is a lot more compassionate than it used to be internally.

9. I am learning to enjoy the PROCESS versus being attached to outcomes.

The bar will always rise so we have to look within for success, contentment and joy. I no longer say, “I will be happy when” or “I’ll know I have arrived when.” Instead I choose to see the enough-ness that is in this very moment and find joy in the journey.

I am proud of the work I have done.
Thank you 2022 for the lessons & blessin’s.
Bring it on 2023!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

How Self-Sabotage May Be Limiting Your Holiday Dreams

All year long we are consistently preaching about the importance of identifying our should’s, letting go of the B.S. that doesn’t align with us, and getting clear on our boundaries unapologetically. 

the most wonderful time of the year is no different. 

In fact — we’d say that we crank up the volume of boundaries during the holidays even more. Because while this time can be fun and cheerful and full of loved ones, it can also be a total f’n shitstorm that leaves us completely burnt out. And we don’t have the time for that.

We advocate for our people to drop the holiday stress that they don’t want, to stop cooking the damn turkey if it doesn’t suit them, and to start saying NO to the things that don’t align with their holiday vision.

And while a lot of folks are able to step into their best holiday experiences by shedding their past holiday expectations, a lot of others find themselves stuck in their old patterns. So why IS that? Why can some of us successfully shift our boundaries while others feel totally crippled by them? 

Self-sabotage has entered the chat.

Self-sabotage is a term we use to describe the moments when we consciously, or most often unconsciously hinder our own success and wellbeing.

A lot of times our self-sabotage stems from feeling like we are undeserving of what we really want. This can make implementing boundaries feel impossible, as boundaries work to prioritize our own needs, and our subconscious may be telling us that our needs aren’t something we’re worthy of. 

Some common ways that self-sabotage can show up during the holidays:

• Over-indulging and over-committing ourselves despite knowing we will be exhausted or that we don’t want to. More often than not we do this because we don’t want to disappoint the masses, but in doing so we put ourselves on the back burner.

• Procrastinating tasks that we don’t want to do. We tend to avoid the things that overwhelm us, and in doing so we set ourselves up for failure later by waiting until the last possible second (like holiday shopping the day before the event).

• Avoiding our true feelings. So often we put our emotions to the side and say “no it’s okay, I can power through”, despite feeling triggered by family, feeling a sense of loss, feeling anxious, etc.

So for those of us who do struggle with self-sabotaging behaviors - let’s start flipping the script. 

The most important place to start is by acknowledging your behavior — noticing and naming what you are doing as self-sabotage. Once you have identified your sabotage, ask yourself the following q’s:

• What did the self-sabotage help me avoid or numb?

• Do I believe that I deserve the holiday I desire?

• Did this pattern/ behavior get me closer to or further away from how I wanted to feel?

Revisit your list of boundaries and revise them. Rather than framing them in terms of what you can’t do (i.e., I can’t make it to every event because it will be too much), start framing them in terms of what you don’t do (i.e., I don’t make it to every event because it is too much). 

Set the tone for what you allow.

The fact of the matter is - your holiday dreams are possible when you set meaningful intentions and boundaries. And when you do, you can enjoy, be present and soak in the season.  Or be guided to some healing work to help you along your path which is just as important.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

5 Lessons I Learned Taking the Trip

By Brooke Jean, MA, LPC

Hey Friends, I just got back from having the absolute privilege of taking a luscious week off with my partner on the beautiful island of Maui, Hawaii and here are five lessons I learned and look forward to integrating into my life.

1. There is so much power in the pause, and in taking real time away.

It’s far too easy to get sucked into the noise vortex that is life and also the larger and louder pressures of what we should be doing. Taking time away pulls us out of the throws of hustle culture, jumping relentlessly from one responsibility to another and allows space for quiet reflection, answer seeking and soul soothing. This time away becomes a beautiful container for our growth, our evolution, our magnificent transformations.

2. Travel expands us.

Doing something new and different than our ordinary lives call us to do, being in different spaces and places, eating different foods, connecting with nature, culture, history and architecture expands our consciousness. Opens up our awareness inside ourselves and beyond ourselves. Taking time away and doing something new provides information to our subconscious of what else is out there, is possible and with that brings new ideas, opportunities, heightened dreams. Its necessary to clear this space to be able to tap into your deeper parts of your brain, your creativity, your intuition, your spiritual guidance. I came up with so many business ideas while being there.There are also brain health benefits. When we’re in new places, learning a new way of doing or perhaps a new language, when we confuse our brains and bodies by being in the new, we kick our brains into neurogenesis which ultimately births new neurons (brain cells!) How cool is that?

3. Your body knows whats up and will tell you when your soul is home.

When you are in the right place for your soul, beauty will reflect within you and all around you. You’ll be in awe of it all, like when you were little. This is your reminder to follow what feels good, to do what you loved to do when you were little and chase bliss. Follow what lights you up, what brings an automatic and often cheesy smile to your face, and enlivens every cell in your being. And freaking do more of that. For fuck’s sake can we at least start with giving ourselves permission to explore, discover and follow what feels good to us and for us? Too many women and mothers I know have lost complete connection with what feels good because we have been conditioned to put everything and everyone before our own needs. As a reminder, chasing joy doesn’t only pertain to big moves like vacations, changing careers, moving to your dream locations etc., but also includes inviting daily doses of what feels good into your day- to- day. That could look like having your favorite tea in your favorite mug in your favorite corner of your home every morning before the kids wake up.

4. While there is so much pain and suffering and fucked-up-ness in our sick society right now, at which I will spend my entire lifetime healing from and making positive change in, there is also so much beauty and things to be grateful for.

This is not a bullshit, just smile through it, bypassing the real shit, notion. This is an invitation to dance between acknowledging the hard, taking intentional action, while twirling to the good, the enough-ness and basking in that as long as you can. To catch your breathe, to fill you up, to prepare you for the toggle back to the hard stuff. This delicate dance changes our brains on a neurobiological level, supports our brain/ body health, improves our mental/ emotional wellbeing, raises our energetic vibration and positions us to withstand the seasons.

5. After ten years of marriage, eighteen years of being together, I still LIKE my partner.

Not just love, of course I love him, but taking time away together brings us back to us. We remembered who we were before we added careers, kids, mortgages, fighting over who does more and never ending Mommy Mommy Daddy Daddy’s (in a five year old’s voice). We felt those feelings we had in the beginning all over again. We played, laughed, took naps and had that look in our eyes. This is so important in relationships. Its so easy to get frustrated, to miscommunicate and stop meeting each other’s needs being buried in life, but when you take time away, you remember your bigger why in relationships, in commitment and companionship and that makes all the annoyances when you come home much more manageable. We are imperfect, but we are a team building a crazy beautiful life together and have each other’s back through the messiest of messy.

Take the time away.  Start dreaming where you want to go, do a budget and start saving, book the trip, set the intention in motion.  Because you deserve the space and to remember who you are and to allow all the juicy side affects of taking the time away to set in and inform the next stages and phases of your life.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

What retreating can do for us high-acheiving, often anxious, working women

By Brooke Jean, MA, LPC

First things first, let’s get something straight.  Retreats with me and my people — meaning my team and community, clients, and brave explorers — are going to be a little  different than your hard core wellness retreats.

We are not going to sit in silent meditation for a day, or live on juice, or hallucinate. (Not that we have any judgement about that!)

We do wellness a little different.

We are hard-working women in leadership roles running companies, managing big projects and teams, and driving change in the world while also taking care of our families and all the other things. We appreciate wellness and yet, we have had a hard time making space for ourselves for anything at all.

Rather than taking a dive deep into some wellness culture components, we need a freaking break.

From our jobs, our teams, our clients, our families, our responsibilities and the freaking pressure that comes with doing all that in a really bad ass sort of way.

So. We do it our way.

• We meet somewhere cool.  Preferably in nature because that shit grounds us whether we knew that beforehand or not.

• We let loose the second we hit the premise.

• Once we take that long awaited exhale we look to our sisters with sheer exhaustion in our eyes and say telepathically, “I see you girl.  I see you.”

• From there we open up.

• We are ready to do the deeper work even though we may have not ever considered it before or perhaps just dabbled.

• We vulnerably share intentions, open up to the group about our current struggles.

• We engage in deeply transformative workshops that guide us on how to let go of who we think we are supposed to be to create the life we always wanted.  We learn about psychology and conditioning and stuff like subconscious beliefs and why we find ourselves in this place of people pleasing at the expense of our own goddamn happiness.

Here’s my favorite part…we rally around each other!

• You say you need support, space, resources, ideas?  Served right up in the moment!

• You remember that when you were little you loved to teach, dance and perform?  We provide you an opportunity to do just that and schedule it on the calendar before we leave. As women, we make things happen, don’t we?

• Whatever it is.  Our sisters surround us.  Hold us.  Promise us we deserve what our hearts truly desire. And for some reason.  IN this space, with these people, we believe this shit for the first time.

• We sleep like babies feeling held.

• We release in a bonfire what we’re ready to leave behind.

• We leave lighter.  Connected.  To our truth.  To one another.  To the essence of the feminine.

  That, my friends, is where the miracles happen and where real change begins to take place. This is what an unperfected retreat looks like and its pure magic.

So, what did this experience teach me?

That we deserve what our hearts truly desire but we need to make space to get clear on who we are. 

We need to create our life’s vision, determine our path to get there and protect that path fiercely with boundaries. 

We need to unlearn all that we have learned about self-care being selfish and that we need to put ourselves last to be “good girls”. 

We have to rewrite the rules of our lives and reprogram the beliefs holding us back from taking the action and believing we deserve what we are capable of.  And I would like us to do it unapologetically.

We need sisterhood.  Connection.  Nature.  Movement. 

To remember who we were when we were little and to embrace that inner child.  We need to rebuild our trust with ourselves, our bodies and our inner knowing system because THAT is our super power. 

This is not easy to do if you do not claim space. That’s why we created a workshop on boundaries to help busy working women and mamas do just that.

Book a consult with us to discuss workshops and retreats for your company / team! Taking the time away to empty out and fill our tanks in meaningful ways is more than a treat, it’s essential.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

EMDR: What it is & Why it Works

By Meghan Olson, MSW, LCSW

EMDR is one of those treatment styles that some people know about, few people understand, and most people have misconceptions around. So what is it really, and why does it work?

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing, and it is well-known for being a type of trauma therapy.

Most people, when they hear of it, know it to be helpful in the context of PTSD, veterans, big traumatic moments — things of that nature. But what most people don’t know is that EMDR can actually benefit anyone and everyone on the planet. 

One of the biggest misconceptions we see in regards to EMDR is this idea that you need to have experienced a BIG, isolated traumatic event in order for it to work. This misconception also stems from the idea that trauma is just that — big, isolated events.

While we know that trauma often is a big event, we also know that trauma can come in ALL shapes and sizes, and that every single person will experience trauma at some point in their life. 

Now that we have misconceptions out of the way, let’s get into what EMDR is actually doing.

what to know about EMDR & the BRAIN

1.

EMDR focuses on specific moments

When we decide to utilize EMDR in treatment, we are working to pinpoint specific moments of life that our brain didn’t process properly and link them to current symptoms we experience.

2.

The brain needs both sides

In order for the brain to fully process an event both sides of it have to be engaged. But when we experience traumatic moments (big or small) the brain’s typical processing becomes inhibited because it feels threatened. 

3.

Trauma gets stored

When the brain is inhibited, these events become “stuck” in an area that stores all the emotion we feel around them, and the area of the brain that understands and sees the full-picture doesn’t get its time to shine. Which is why traumatic moments FEEL extremely intense. 

Once we have pinpointed the specific moments of life that were not processed well, we then work to reprocess them – ensuring that all areas of the brain necessary for processing are activated this time. 

but what makes the reprocessing actually work?

You may be wondering how we know the brain will process our memories any differently when undergoing EMDR.

This is where bilateral stimulation comes in.

Bilateral stimulation = stimulating both sides of the brain. EMDR uses bilateral stimulation while we are reprocessing memories, and this is what ensures that the brain is doing its thing the right way (because we need both sides to make the *magic* happen, honey). The first type of bilateral stimulation used was eye movements - hence the name “Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing”. 

let’s summarize!

EMDR is a treatment option that can be WILDLY beneficial for people, and it has been shown to lead to serious relief in numerous areas of life.

EMDR can help ease anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress, conditioned beliefs that we have about ourselves – you name it. SO, be sure to keep it in your back pocket as an option on your own journey to healing!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Why are we so ON one about brain health rn

By Meghan Olson, MSW, LCSW

You keep hearing us talk about brain health and you may be wondering what the deal is here. Why do we care? Why does it matter? Why is this something that we are integrating into our practice? Let’s start from square one.

Our brains are involved in everything that we do and everything that we are.

And, given that our passion at unPERFECTED is helping people heal, shed shoulds, remember who they really are, and therefore claim space for their wellbeing, we believe that brain health is a crucial starting point on your wellness journey. 

The condition of our brain not only dictates how we feel, but also how we relate to others, how we respond, how we perceive the things around us — really how we move through LIFE.

The fact of the matter is, if our brain isn’t working well, we won’t be either.

 “brain health” simplified

So now you may be thinking “yea okay I get it, the brain controls lots of shit”. But what do we mean when we say brain health?

When we are talkin “brain health” we are referring to how well our brain is working at the physiological level. Is it getting all of the things that it needs in order to be functioning the BEST that it can - blood flow, water, anti-inflammatory fuel, etc.? Due to the nature of life, oftentimes the answer to that question is no.

Think of it this way: if you find yourself struggling with anxiety, depression, mood swings, irritability, brain fog, memory loss, difficulty connecting with others, confusion, a busy mind, etc., this may be an indicator that your brain needs a little bit more lovin.

how we can turn this shit around

When we shift our attention to start caring about our brains and how we treat them, there are 4 BIG lifestyle components that we need to look at (and really ADJUSTTT honey).

Nutrition

You guessed it — what we eat plays a freakin big role in how our brain functions! Most of us are able to identify what is good vs. bad for our brain (nutrient-dense foods, healthy fats, water, etc. versus processed foods, high sugar, alcohol, etc.). When you go to eat your meal start asking yourself that exact question — how much of this will benefit my brain, and where can I make this meal better? There are also preferred foods per your brain type… more on that in our freebie course which you can access here!

Movement

The brain is fueled by our blood, which means that we want as much blood flow up in our brains as possible. In addition to alla the well-known health benefits to exercise, it’s important to remember that any sort of movement also sends more blood flow up to the brain! TIP: Move your body in any way that feels good for 20 minutes a day.

Sleep

Sleep and recovery are freakin crucial, people! Just like our bodies need rest, our brain does too, and proper sleep hygiene can improve your brain’s overall health & functioning. TIP: Start going to bed and waking up at the same time every day, even on the weekend. 

Thought Management

While managing our thoughts doesn’t seem like it would impact our brain physiologically, we want to inform you that it sure DOES. Negative thought patterns can make changes in brain chemistry & jack up our hormones (adrenaline and cortisol, specifically), which can then worsen our mental health! Mindfulness is KEY.

where brain health meets unperfected living

We constantly preach about the importance of unPERFECTING our lives so that we can make room for what matters. We talk about shedding our “shoulds”, aligning our day-to-day with what really lights us up, normalizing the real & the messy shit that comes with life, dropping perfectionistic standards, and living life for US instead of for everyone around us.

When we make the space for what really matters and what really makes us THRIVE, we are given the opportunity to look inward and notice what areas really needs our attention.

We need to treat our mental health like we do heart health, and we need to recognize that taking physical care of our brain is instrumental in feeling good. When we FEEL good, we can DO good, and we can create the life we want and deserve.

to learn more about our signature brain health reBOOT, click here!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Surviving a societal shitstorm

By Meghan Olson, MSW, LCSW

It’s no secret that the state of the world has been up in flames recently. Tragedy has emerged left and right – from COVID to the war in Ukraine, to Robb Elementary in Uvalde, to extreme political unrest. Evil has made its presence known and it’s NORMAL for us to not know how to feel or how to respond. 

The fact of the matter is – shit has sucked recently. America itself has been divided and the roots of our conflict have caused immense grief and anger on all sides. So where do we even go from here? How do we help ourselves when we feel like we are DROWNING in chaos?

One of my favorite quotes of all time is short and simple: “bloom where you’re planted”. I see it as being a reminder that we can bloom regardless of where we’re planted, which means that we can thrive regardless of our environment (or in this case, regardless of being in the midst of a societal shitstorm). 

5 tips to help us bloom:

Remind yourself that you are meant to feel what you feel.

We are emotional beings, and our feelings come up for us for a reason. In order for us to get through this time, we first have to acknowledge what is there and lean into it. And we can’t feel bad about it.

Point out the silver linings.

What I have always noticed in times of darkness is the amount of light that reveals itself following it. For every 1 evil spirit there are 1,000 compassionate, loving, and genuine spirits to outnumber it. Highlight the good and be the good.

Shake things up and prioritize your wellness.

What makes you feel good physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually? What brings you a sense of contentment and peace, even if for 5 minutes? Do the thing(s), and do them OFTEN. Make room.

Advocate for better.

Take your emotions and channel them into making this world better. Donate, march, sign petitions, repost, vote — do whatever feels like you are taking a step toward change.

Tend to your nervous system.

In times like these our systems go into survival mode, which means we are in fight or flight. When our system is heightened it then puts great stress on our bodies, increases anxiety, and wipes us out, so we need to make sure we are reminding our systems that we are SAFE. Practice belly breathing, take a cold shower, read your favorite book, listen to calming music — whatever calms you down. Do it daily.

We can’t control the shitstorm, but we can control how we move forward from it.  

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

3 key principles for making the most out of your year

Happy New Year People!!

I absolutely love everything about the energy of a new year.  I see it as a fresh start, a blank slate, a revived chance, and intentional coming home to self and the present.  The year ahead is FULL of possibilities of who we are becoming and what we want to create in our lives.  Goosebumps y’all.

We are living in the age of information overload so I wanted to highlight these goodies as I believe whole-heartedly they can and will change your life!

I work from a BE > DO > HAVE model which acknowledges that its less about what you DO to create the life beyond your wildest dreams, its more about who you are BE-ing to make it happen.  

 There a few key principles, ways of BE-ing, that can help you make the most of your year.  These principles will help you get crystal clear on what you want, help you remove blocks getting in your way, lift your energy/ vibration and follow through on the commitments to set for yourself.

3 key principles to making the most out of this year

1.

Like Energy Attracts Like Energy.

Who you are being - your beliefs, thoughts, actions, inaction, etc. have an energetic output which will attract things buzzing with that same vibration.  With any goal, dream, intention, you must first be responsible for your energy.  One of the most profound ways to raise your vibration is to clean up your thoughts because…

Thoughts > Emotions > Action

Becoming aware of your thoughts, not only provides you the pause to disengage, shift and send a better feeling chemical reaction through your brain and body, but it also raises your energetic output.  To shift your reality, to change, to create the life you desire and deserve, you have to clean up your internal world and truly commit to this work.  Cleaning up your thoughts will help you feel better and therefore do better.  It will make showing up for yourself so much easier, resulting in taking action that makes movement happen.

2.

Identify you Biggest Block.

We all have things holding us back from stepping into our highest potential, our fullest expression and most often these blocks are actually subconscious, meaning outside of our awareness.  If you want to make massive shifts in your life, get clear on what’s holding you back and do something about it!  In a quiet space, perhaps during a mediation or when journaling (the key is to slow your brain waves down and regulate your nervous system so you can access these hidden truths) ask yourself What is the one thing that, if I’m completely honest with myself, is holding me back from feeling my best and therefore being my best?  This could be a pattern, way of being or habit that you feel ashamed about. Or a stuck-ness in negative thought loops where you are drawn to catastrophize, aka prep for worst-case scenarios.  Or it could be people-pleasing or perfectionism paralyzing you from taking the necessary action to move forward.  Whatever it is, NAME IT OUT LOUD, and without judgement loves.  That alone puts distance between it and you allowing you to claim your power back.  And naming your block lifts your vibration because you are taking responsibility for yourself and your outcomes. 

3.

Choose to See the Opportunity!

ou have probably heard sayings such as Challenges are detours in the right direction or From the dark comes the light.  In my words, the magic is in the mess, the beauty is in the becoming.  What all of this means to me is that you are here on this Earth during this time for a reason and everything that comes into your life is on purpose.  It’s here to teach you a lesson, to guide you along the journey of life.  You are reading this right now for a reason.  You are being guided to the work you are ready for to make the most of this one wild and precious life.  When we work through lessons we level up.  We learn what we’re truly made of and what matters most to us.  Therefore there are no problems, only opportunities.  And chancing your mindset to see challenges as such will absolutely change your life.  When we shift from the thought Why is this happening to me to This must be happening for me we raise our vibration, feel more empowered and this fuels our problem solving superpowers and our confidence in ourselves.  Are you starting to see how all of this is connected?  Every difficult thing we face is an opportunity to grow, expand, choose again and become the truest you living consciously.  This is powerful stuff my friends!!

Commit to the process. 

The process of taking control of your happiness, success, and wellness are all on you.  This was one of the most brutal truths I had to face in my development process.  We are in charge of our own destiny.  If we want to feel better, we have to take committed action.  We have to change.  If we want different we have to be different and this is the WORK!  If it feels hard, it’s because you’re doing it right.  But you’re worth it.  Show up for yourself every single day and watch your life transform in unimaginable ways.  Set an intention of what you want this year, what shift you want to make, how you want to feel, what you want from life.  Then, build a routine and ritual around taking action to make said thing happen.  Put it in your calendar and protect it fiercely.  Enlist an accountability partner.  Stack new and healthy habits on top of existing habits.  Follow people who inspire you and have the life you want to live.  Check in with your progress often.  Be resilient and get back on the train if you fall off and most important CHOOSE TO SEE THE ENOUGH-NESS in yourself, others and your life already.  Feel gratitude for who you already are and all that you have as that attracts more of what you want.  When we pause to notice the good we feel better, raise our energy and literally rewire our brains.

This, my friends, is how we change who we are BE-ing in order to create a life beyond our wildest dreams.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean