Today we’re diving deep into a topic that comes up time and time again, and that’s why it's so damn difficult to ask for help.

Juggling the demands of modern motherhood while striving for perfection is no small freaking feat, and more often than not we are out here doing it all on our own.

Let's get into why we hesitate to ask for help, how to recognize when we need it, and how to muster up the courage to actually ask for it.

We’ve talked about it plenty of times before, but as a reminder, there's this little psychological phenomenon called conditioning and that’s responsible for a big ol’ chunk of our struggles. It's like this unspoken rulebook that says as women and mothers we're expected to be superheroes. We're supposed to excel at parenting, prepare Pinterest-worthy meals, shuttle our kids to multiple activities, excel at work, maintain a thriving partnership, and nurture our sex lives — all while wearing a smile of gratitude. Sounds familiar, right?

But here's the kicker: that old programming didn't take into account the monumental workload we face today. Back in the day, grandma might have cooked organic meals, but she wasn't juggling a full-time job and running the household solo. When mom volunteered at the PTO and coached our soccer team, she likely wasn't the primary breadwinner either.

The modern working mom? Well, she's doing it all, and it's taking a toll on her.

You know me – I'm ALL about maternal mental health. The spike in expectations for modern moms has led to a sharp rise in mental health challenges — burnout, shame, guilt, anxiety, autoimmune issues — you name it. Something's gotta give, but asking for help feels like an insurmountable task. It's because we've internalized these beliefs that good mothers should handle it all. We think we should be able to serve everyone without a hint of struggle.

The truth is, you're not alone in this struggle. None of us have mastered the art of balance. We're just not talking about it because we're afraid of judgment.

But here's the reality: we can absolutely love being mothers and our children unconditionally while also admitting that this gig is incredibly tough. The relentless demands can leave us feeling drained, resentful, and trapped in a cycle of self-sabotaging behaviors. So it's time to break free from this "should" prison and reprogram our beliefs about what makes a good enough mother. Shedding the "shoulds" is where the journey to self-care begins.

Let me be clear: without even knowing your specific situation, I can tell you that you need help.

Yes, you read that right. You deserve help. And here’s how to start navigating it:

1. Grab a pen and paper and list everything you do in a day and week. Brain dump it all. You'll quickly see that you're shouldering an unbearable load. And if you're not validated when you see how long that list is, honey, send it to me and I'll validate it for you. You don't realize how much you're doing, and that it's too much.
   

2. Follow your feelings, follow your triggers, and find those sore spots in your day and your week and your month that are almost just unbearable. There is no shame. You are surviving. You are doing the best you can do. If you're in a situation where you're triggered – step away. Leave the kitchen. Go upstairs to the bathroom and take some belly breaths. Leave the home and go walk around the neighborhood. Leave work and go outside and sit in your car and do a 10 minute meditation. Leave the meeting if you need to. Leave the game if you need to. Don’t take the kids to practice if you're literally melting down and you need space or ask someone else to get them there. It’s important that we understand what our triggers are and how to help ourselves through them.

3. Revisit your list of tasks in the day and identify the tasks that you absolutely loathe. The things that bring you no joy. The energy sucks. Maybe it's brushing your kid's teeth or meal planning. Maybe it's quarterly planning for your business. We all have different gifts, different things that we bring to this parenting table, and different things that we love doing. It doesn't make you a bad mom when you don't love playing on the floor with your kid, but you do love taking them on experiences. It doesn't make you a bad mom when you hate doing homework, but you love homemade cooking with your kids. There's no rubric to success here.

4. Ask for something different. Outsource the tasks that you hate. Maybe you loathe doing the meal prep so you hire a nutritionist to do your meal planning and cooking, or you delegate that to your partner. Maybe you loathe cleaning the house, so you outsource a cleaning person. Maybe you loathe the morning shift and getting the kids ready, so you ask your partner to take the kids to school and you’ll be the one to always pick them up. And if you don’t have the resources to hire the help or a partner to give you the breaks, join our Mommy’s Mental Health Matters community to build your tribe. Give yourself permission to analyze how you're spending your time, energy, and sanity, and to challenge the way in which we've always done things. 

How can we show up in the world and be the parent and partner and leader that we wanna be without help?

It’s costing us our sanity. It’s costing us what's possible in our careers. It’s costing us real connection with our people that we love. It’s costing us presence, which is the most important thing we have in this wild and messy world. We're not doing that anymore. We're lowering the bar, getting clear on what matters most, letting those things guide what we engage in, and asking for freaking help.

You absolutely deserve the help. And while you are an incredible and amazing mom as is, receiving the help will allow you the time, energy and sanity to pour into what matters most to you.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other!

xo, brooke jean