How Self-Sabotage May Be Limiting Your Holiday Dreams
All year long we are consistently preaching about the importance of identifying our should’s, letting go of the B.S. that doesn’t align with us, and getting clear on our boundaries unapologetically.
the most wonderful time of the year is no different.
In fact — we’d say that we crank up the volume of boundaries during the holidays even more. Because while this time can be fun and cheerful and full of loved ones, it can also be a total f’n shitstorm that leaves us completely burnt out. And we don’t have the time for that.
We advocate for our people to drop the holiday stress that they don’t want, to stop cooking the damn turkey if it doesn’t suit them, and to start saying NO to the things that don’t align with their holiday vision.
And while a lot of folks are able to step into their best holiday experiences by shedding their past holiday expectations, a lot of others find themselves stuck in their old patterns. So why IS that? Why can some of us successfully shift our boundaries while others feel totally crippled by them?
Self-sabotage has entered the chat.
Self-sabotage is a term we use to describe the moments when we consciously, or most often unconsciously hinder our own success and wellbeing.
A lot of times our self-sabotage stems from feeling like we are undeserving of what we really want. This can make implementing boundaries feel impossible, as boundaries work to prioritize our own needs, and our subconscious may be telling us that our needs aren’t something we’re worthy of.
Some common ways that self-sabotage can show up during the holidays:
Over-indulging and over-committing ourselves despite knowing we will be exhausted or that we don’t want to. More often than not we do this because we don’t want to disappoint the masses, but in doing so we put ourselves on the back burner.
Procrastinating tasks that we don’t want to do. We tend to avoid the things that overwhelm us, and in doing so we set ourselves up for failure later by waiting until the last possible second (like holiday shopping the day before the event).
Avoiding our true feelings. So often we put our emotions to the side and say “no it’s okay, I can power through”, despite feeling triggered by family, feeling a sense of loss, feeling anxious, etc.
So for those of us who do struggle with self-sabotaging behaviors - let’s start flipping the script.
The most important place to start is by acknowledging your behavior — noticing and naming what you are doing as self-sabotage. Once you have identified your sabotage, ask yourself the following q’s:
What did the self-sabotage help me avoid or numb?
Do I believe that I deserve the holiday I desire?
Did this pattern/ behavior get me closer to or further away from how I wanted to feel?
Revisit your list of boundaries and revise them. Rather than framing them in terms of what you can’t do (i.e., I can’t make it to every event because it will be too much), start framing them in terms of what you don’t do (i.e., I don’t make it to every event because it is too much).
