Breaking up is hard to do. Yep, indeed. Actually, quite understated. Breaking up can shake us to our core! So how do we consciously work through a love transition?
In short order: Heal. Become. Thrive
That is the model.
Take your time with this process as it is not linear and can feel rather messy. I like to use the image of an ocean, where sometimes the water feels calm and your feet are securely buried in the soft sand and with the sun, the salt, and the breeze you hold a moment of space where you feel like everything will be ok. But then the next day, TSUNAMI!!!! The waves are so tall and powerful that you fear you’ll never come up for air and if you do, you’ll never be the same.
Wherever you are at with your ocean today is safe and okay my friends.
Whether the breakup was your choice or not, there is a great deal of grief that comes with the ending of a relationship. Even if you fantasized about getting out of it for years, once you are in the process, all sorts of feelings could begin to emerge and start to flow through you.
If your boat feels completely rocked and unstable, it is normal. Keep feeling and breathing your way through it.
If you’re feeling scared and uncertain about the future, also normal, keep feeling and breathing your way through it.
Express yourself, share your feelings with someone safe or in your journal.
Openly address all that you will miss about this person and the relationship.
Remember the good times and the bad.
Take 10 minutes a day to sit alone and consciously grieve. To do this, find a space where you will not be interrupted and check in on how you are REALLY feeling that day. Let the feelings bubble up and meet them with gentle kindness. You can even acknowledge them, “There’s the sadness, the loneliness, the fear, the worry coming up.” Breathe deeply.
Take care of your physical and mental health – get outside, move your body, eat well, laugh sometimes, listen to music, talk, stretch, meditate, and sleep.
Surround yourself with love, support and connection. Whether that be a daily check-in on the phone with your bestie, asking for special accommodations at work while you move through this transition, or joining a support group.
Empower yourself with knowledge about the process and other people’s experiences but be careful not to obsess and to leverage your own inner wisdom and the ultimate guidance for your path.
Visualize what life will look and feel like on the other end of this journey. Imagine yourself content and at peace, being your most authentic self, walking in the world sure of who you are and what you want out of this life.
Get clear on your values, goals, and what you want. What is one small thing you can do that moves you toward that each and every day? Honor yourself, your feelings and who you are becoming now that you have split wide open to rebuilding in a healthy and authentic way.
Transition is a time for TRANSFORMATION.
This transition is changing you, and the exciting thing is, you get to decide who you are becoming.
Often, the storm shakes us up to get us on the right path.
Chaos precedes change.
So, hold on for the ride, my dear. You have survived life up until this point, you will survive this as well.
Take the time to heal and then to become, intentionally. (Visit here to read another BJCC blog about being in Love Limbo.)
And when you honor that, you are sure to thrive again.
You are and always will be deserving of love.
Take care of yourself and therefore each other.
If you are feeling vulnerable and in need of some support and help, we are glad you are here. Contact Brooke now and start your path to healing today. Additionally, consider further reading with BJCC’s blog about co-parenting post separation.