Happy New Year! I hope you all had an awesome holiday and if you’re anything like me, you’re back into the grind of January.
Today I wanted to share my 3-step process to crushing your goals, resolutions and intentions for the New Year. I love the energy around the new year, the commitment to self-reflection and what we want to change and shift going forward.
But, I’ve noticed, we are all super passionate right out of the gates about our resolutions, and just a couple of weeks in, we lose our steam, we lose our momentum, you begin to notice the gym isn’t as packed, and you notice that your new routine was already tossed out the window.
Year after year we set the same resolutions and goals, just to get discouraged….which does not help us feel any better about ourselves.
So…here’s why I think that happens and how we can change this vicious cycle for once and for all!
Whether your New Year’s resolution was to lose weight, quit drinking, or improve intimacy in your relationship, this 3-step process applies.
Step 1…GET REAL! This is all about being really honest with yourself. Ask yourself what is the pattern or behavior you want to change? Then, begin to break that down. When are you finding yourself in the fridge looking for sugar? This is going to require some mindfulness. Slowing down and taking a look at the landscape surrounding you. As you are reaching for that 3rd drink, what are your feelings, your thoughts, and what happened in your day? Perhaps you had a stressful day which triggers your desire to reach for that unhealthy coping mechanism.
And MOST IMPORTANT is asking yourself what’s underneath this behavior or pattern that you want to change?
Typically, under the drinking, drugging, cheating, gambling, eating too much, or shopping too much is an unhealed wound. We are engaging in this behavior to nurse ourselves, to survive, to feel better. But the reason we are unsuccessful in changing the behavior and following through on our resolution is not due to a lack of will power or strength, its because we are addressing the symptom rather than the root cause.
Once we are honest with ourselves about the real thing that needs to be addressed then it’s time to:
Step 2…GET CLEAR! The purpose of this step is to develop an understanding of what has been going on, and for how long. To ignite self-acceptance and compassion. To analyze what we have done to change that works and does not work, and to build authentic motivation to change.
So here are a couple questions to ask yourself. How long have you been suffering with this (you fill in the blank…drinking problem, promiscuity, spending habit, etc.)? What’s working and what’s not working? My guess is year after year you make changing this pattern your resolution and IT’S NOT WORKING!!! Who are you doing this for? If you are wanting to change for anyone other than yourself, you are less likely to succeed. What would life be like if you were to finally address the root cause, and heal your wounds?
Wounds underneath maladaptive behaviors might be grief over a lost loved one or a lost marriage, trauma, low self-worth based on things the adults in your life said to you growing up, guilt and shame over past actions, a negative belief you have about yourself and so much more. Carrying these wounds around are like carrying a heavy bag of metal. Its effects our ability to be ourselves, our belief that we can achieve our dreams, how we connect with others, and pretty much every aspect of our lives.
So ask yourself again…what would life be like if you could finally put the bag of metal down and be free of these wounds?
You’ll probably have a lot more energy to actually drive meaningful change in your life.
The final step is all about taking action.
Step 3…GET CONNECTED! If you are trying to resolve your problems alone, its most-likely not working. Just gonna be honest here folks. And here’s why. Not sharing your struggles keeps you in a shame cycle. And shame is also like a bag of heavy metal. It also avoids having an accountability partner. Who’s going to support you on this journey? Who’s going to help you problem-solve when you fall off?
We have to reach out!
Just by sharing your story and your wound with one other human being can immediately release the shame around it, lifting the heavy bag of metal and allowing you some different options.
This is where having a counselor and coach can be invaluable.
Join a support group.
There is power in numbers and you are definitely not alone.
We all turn to unhealthy behaviors at times in our lives to band-aid pain. I did for many, many years.
But its your turn to heal once and for all, to be able to truly make change happen in your life.
Contact me for any questions or if you are in need of support.
Let’s make 2017 the year we GET REAL, GET CLEAR, AND GET CONNECTED!
Brooke Jean, MA